Physicallee Fit

How to Train with an Injury

2012-02-15T19:13:00.004-07:00

Let's not pretend that I know what I am doing at all. I've already injured myself. Is it anything fancy like a running sprain? Nope. It's a plan-old-fashioned-I-fell-down-hard-on-my-tuckus-and-hurt-my-tail-bone-and-tweaked-my-knee injury.

I was either loading or unloading a child from our one ton van and misplaced a foot and stumbled backwards (backwards! - I'm very talented) and landed my derriere onto some piled landscaping rocks on our side yard. So, not even a cool fighting-a-ninja story either.

P.S. The child was not injured. Sidekick-6 is just fine.

I'm not going to let a little "behind" pain stop me from working out. This morning in the pool, I did all upper body. Whoo! I felt the burn.

I'll do alternate activities at the gym until my tail feathers aren't ruffled anymore.

source

Training for a Triathlon

2012-02-12T22:36:00.003-07:00

First of all, the good news. I'm down below 280 pounds. I haven't been here since 2004. Banner day, I tell you, it's a banner day.

Second of all, more good news. My Hero and I will be participating in a sprint triathlon this November, on Thanksgiving Day. It's a little shy of a sprint triathlon - a 2 mile run, a 12 mile bike, and a 400 meter swim.

The event is being put on by Tri-Family Racing. I say the "event" because the full title is ridiculously long:

The 9th Annual Southwest Valley Regional YMCA Thanksgiving Day - Youth, Adult & Relay Sprint Triathlon/Duathlon

I'm very excited about this - very, very excited. I've already begun training. Look at me, I'm a triathlon athlete!

source

The Flip Turn, Or How I Learned to Like Water Up My Nose

2012-02-09T19:31:00.003-07:00

You would think as a swimmer that I would know how to do a flip turn. But I never learned how. That is, of course, until this last week.

I decided that I needed to learn how to do a flip turn. I asked the YMCA lifeguard for pointers. She mentioned practicing in the middle of the pool, she mentioned the forward tuck under water, she mentioned counting the strokes at the end of the lane. She mentioned all these important things; however, she failed to mention the need to blow air out the nose.

I cleaned out my sinuses with pool water. Breathing so much better now, thanks.

Today I successfully completed at least a half dozen not-completely-horrible flip turns while doing my freestyle!

What water up my nose?

source

Warrior Queen

2012-02-08T20:56:00.004-07:00

It's been a while. That's okay. Let's just gloss over that and move on.

This is what I feel like when I get off the elliptical machine or the treadmill, doing C25K.

I feel invincible. I feel as if I'm going to battle with the blessings of angels on my brow, that I will be victorious over all who oppose me. I feel powerful, mighty, STRONG!

You see why I have a tendency to strut to the sanitizing wipes to clean my machine. If you looked and felt like this, you would strut too.

source

Saturday Morning Weigh In

2011-02-12T09:07:00.001-07:00

Last Saturday: 309.4 lbs.

This Saturday: 305.6 lbs.

Difference: -3.8 lbs.

Wowza!!! What a difference a little exercise can make!

Monday - Swam
Tuesday - Swam
Wednesday - Power of 10
Thursday - Rested
Friday - Ditched because I was depressed

I skipped breakfast a few times, drank more water than normal, and ate fast food on Thursday and Friday. And I still lost weight simply because of the exercise.

This next week, the exercise plan is:

Saturday - Power of 10
Sunday - Rest
Monday - Yoga (for the 1st time in a class setting; yes, I'm nervous)
Tuesday - Swim
Wednesday - Power of 10
Thursday - Rest
Friday - Swim

The eating plan? Still no fast food. Drink more water. And I don't know about the rest. We'll see.

Did NOT and DID

2011-02-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

I did NOT have an ice cream cone this afternoon. It was NOT cookie dough ice cream with chunks of chocolate chip cookie dough in a waffle cone.

I did NOT skip a nutritious dinner of beef and lima beans, steamed purple cabbage and steamed baby carrots because I was too full of ice cream.

Yesterday, I did NOT eat entirely too many maraschino cherries while I made a maraschino cherry/shortbread dessert for my family.
Let's make the rest of this post about the positive.
Yesterday, I DID drag my sorry butt to the pool and slogged through 13.5 laps. And I DID relax in the jacuzzi under the moon.

Yesterday, I DID drink lots of fluid.

Today, I DID go to the gym for my Power of 10 workout.

Oh, and I got a pedicure today. My toes look cute. The pedicure included a scrub and a foot massage. So my tootsies felt pretty great. Thanks, Mom!

The Loch Ness Monster and Pedicures

2011-02-07T20:34:00.002-07:00

They call me the Loch Ness monster. No, not really. Tonight I knocked out 15 laps in just over 20 minutes. I had the pool to myself; after my laps, I lay there floating, looking up at the blue sky (gotta love the heated outdoor pool!), relaxing and feeling good. The whole experience -- laps, floating, all of it -- gave me a sense of peace.

p.s. Said feeling of peace was eventually obliterated by two whiny sidekicks and a cranky baby.

Super good news!!! I'm going to the Y tomorrow to renew our membership. I'll swim on Tuesday, Power of 10 on Wednesday, and so on and so forth.

This morning I tried a new-to-me Teavana herbal tea, Tarocco Ruby Orange. Very good stuff. Light citrus flavor with some warm tones. It made a substantial breakfast (I went lite for breakfast to compensate for the faux fried ice cream yummy treat last night).

On Wednesday, I'm going to get a pedicure with my mom. Relaxing and indulgent. I'm really looking forward to it.

Progress Is A State Of Mind

2011-02-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

I must not have pushed myself hard enough in the pool yesterday. Or didn't work hard enough cleaning my house last night. Because today I'm not in pain. My muscles aren't sore and my joints aren't stiff. I go back to swim at the Y tomorrow and I'll try for 15 laps in 20 minutes.

No fast food today -- so that's a plus.

There's faux fried ice cream in my freezer. It tastes delicious. I'm going to eat the rest of it and I'm going to enjoy it. And I'm not going to feel guilty about it. Because tomorrow I'm going swimming and Tuesday, I'm going to do Power of 10. Also, I drank more water today than I have in a great while.

I'm in a contest with my MIL and two of my SIL's over who can lose the most weight this month. Each of us contributed $10 to the pot -- whoever loses the largest percentage of weight wins the $40. I'm going to win and buy myself a new purse, or cute shoes, or some fun, feminine shirts.

Renew, Refresh, Restart

2011-02-05T18:11:00.002-07:00

I'm back. Sidekick-7 was born in December. He weighed 10 lbs. 1 oz. My biggest baby by about a pound and a half. Anyway, he's doing well and is flirting with the idea of sleeping through the night. And, he's adorable. Of course.

I'm trying to adjust to life with seven sidekicks. Recently, it was more difficult because my sweet sidekick-6 was in the ICU for 2 weeks. But she's all better now. My spirits are still frazzled. I'm making a little more progress each day towards finding internal quietude. Not really quietude, more like not yelling and screaming at all the chaos in my head.

My new motto. Well, not really. But saying it to myself makes me feel good.

I'm renewing my weight loss efforts. Today I weighed 309.4 lbs. My plan includes:

48 oz. water daily
going to sleep at night when the baby sleeps
Monday - yoga
Tuesday - swimming
Wednesay - Power of 10
Thursday - rest
Friday - swimming
Saturday - Power of 10
Sunday - rest

The first week I'm eliminating fast food. Next week, I'll eliminate something else.

Today, I did pretty well. I went swimming. I did 13 laps in 20 minutes. I'll swim for exercise until my YMCA membership is finalized.

I'm playing around with the idea of photoshopping a picture of my head on a picture of a lean body. We'll see.

More Good Choices....

2010-10-07T23:14:00.000-06:00

Down to 301.0 lbs. Coming close to going back across that 300 pound barrier and never going back again -- she said with "finality".

Breakfast: Half of a small honeydew and toast with almond butter.
Lunch: What else? Chocolate, peanut butter, banana, rice protein smoothie and a piece of homemade bread.

*** More smoothie options to follow.

Dinner: BIG dinner. Strawberry yogurt, beef stew, bread, Holiday grapes, and a macaroon.

Picture doesn't do it justice.
You can't see how wonderfully huge and juicy they are!

I'm making a conscious effort to drink more water.

*** Alternate smoothie ideas rummaging around in my brain:

Pumpkin. Angela at Oh She Glows has been all over pumpkin lately. It's beginning to seep into my consciousness. It's taking longer because I live in the Southwest and we're finally out of 100° weather.
Egg Nog. If I'm thinking about pumpkin, then I'm definitely thinking about my most favorite holiday treat -- egg nog.

How do I feel? I feel pretty good. Dinner might have been a little heavy because I was so hungry by the time we ate. My muscles are sore which tells me that my Power of 10 workout yesterday actually did something. My brain has been all over the map today. Up, down, and sideways. Right now, I feel in control of my food desires and the ability to rein them in -- recognizing that they're there without having to accommodate them.

For example, we drove by Dunkin' Donuts on the way home. We've never stopped there (can you imagine giving donuts to a car full of 6 crazy kids? ai, yai, yai). But sometimes the idea of a warm, sticky donut has been appealing. Tonight, it held no interest for me whatsoever. More and more of those types of events will happen as I make better and consistent choices. Tonight, I'm calling it good.

It Was A Close Call, But ......

2010-10-06T20:34:00.000-06:00

Breakfast: Green grapes
Lunch: What else? Chocolate, peanut butter, banana, rice protein smoothie. It kept me going all afternoon.
Dinner: Amy's Palaak Paneer and half of a small canteloupe.

It was a close call, but I did it. I went to the gym. I did the Power of 10 on weights. I worked out in my street clothes. I was not motivated to go and the idea of going upstairs to change into gym clothes was wholly unappealing. So I went to the gym in my maternity top, maternity pants, and ballet flats. I worked out. I felt good. I met another pregnant woman there who normally trains for body builder events. She was a fountain of information about form and other weight training related knowledge. Plus, she was nice and not condescending to the newbie (that'd be me). It was lovely to talk to her. It felt good to work out.

Now my arms look like this.

Not really.

My mind is clearing up. I feel more focused, more clear-headed, more alert, more "able" than I've felt in a while. I have good food plans for tomorrow. It's going to be a good week.

Faux Fried Ice Cream Gets You Every Time!

2010-10-06T01:29:00.001-06:00

Breakfast: Raspberry Riot Lemon Maté
Lunch: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie. A piece of homemade bread and a couple bites of last night's hummus and veggies.
Dinner: Mexican food night at my mom's house. Chicken enchiladas, Spanish rice, refried beans, chips, guacamole and salsa.

Oh and did I mention the faux fried ice cream? In hindsight, I realized that I could have served myself a half portion or I could have left some in my bowl. But I didn't. It tasted delicious for the first couple of bites and then it got really sweet and rich and I felt full. I still finished it anyway. Ah well. I knew that tonight would be a big meal; I compensated by having tea for breakfast. Plus, I drank 3 glasses of water at dinner. That's going to flush all the calories away, right? Yeah, not so much.

I'm not kicking myself too badly. Truthfully, I don't feel guilty. That's a good sign. I do, however, feel heart burn. This is more a symptom of being almost 6 months pregnant -- since I felt heart burn last night after the hummus, veggies and tortillas. Maybe smaller meals? Maybe more soup? Maybe ix-nay the beans and cruciferous vegetables? Maybe just cowgirl up and get over myself.

Speaking of which, tomorrow's Wednesday. It's weight training time at the gym. I'm nervous that I'll talk myself out of it. It's only 20 minutes of slow-lifting weights. That trashes me for 2 to 3 days afterwards. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed.

Triumph! I Did Not Eat a Brownie Sundae!

2010-10-04T22:36:00.000-06:00

I feel it. Can't you feel it? I definitely feel it. My body wants sugar, and it wants it now, dangit! Tonight, I desperately wanted a brownie sundae: a warm, gooey brownie topped with vanilla ice cream and caramel and fudge. I thought about going to the grocery store, I thought about going to the frozen yogurt shop, I even thought about going to Mickie D's. But I didn't.

Maybe it was just laziness on my part (after all, I was already in my pj's -- I'd have to put on real clothes and go outside and drive somewhere -- do I want it that badly? Eh.)

Breakfast: Herbal tea
Lunch: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie
Dinner: Tortilla with hummus and veggies - tomatoes, mushrooms, broccoli, cucumber, carrots and olives.

Instead of a hot fudge, brownie sundae, I'm going to have a drink of water. So thbbthhtbbtthh to you sugar cravings! (That's a raspberry for the uninitiated). Chalk today up as a success by the skin of my teeth.

September Stress Eating is Over!!!

2010-10-03T21:39:00.000-06:00

I officially declare the junk-food, stress-eating over, over, over, OVER!

Today, I weighed in at 304.4 lbs. I hopped over the 300 lbs. boundary several weeks ago.

Okay, back on track. Yesterday I ate a lot of food. So today, I ate light to give my digestive system a break.

Breakfast: Peppermint tea
Lunch: Miso soup
Dinner: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie

Time to focus on slow and steady.

Best News

2010-09-21T08:05:00.000-06:00

Sidekick-1 had the surgery. They removed all the tumor. The MRI was clean. He's recovering nicely. The one unexpected side effect of the surgery is crossed eyes. Hopefully it's a temporary condition.

All in all, everything turned out wonderfully. Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

Life's Curveballs... like Brain Tumors

2010-09-08T04:53:00.000-06:00

Bad news. My oldest child, sidekick-1, has a brain tumor. He's been having headaches and vomiting. This last weekend, he started not to be able to walk straight. He has no balance. I'm in the hospital now with him. Surgery is scheduled for Thursday morning.

From the MRI, the pediatric neurosurgeon thinks it's the most mild form of brain tumor. His prognosis is that the surgery will go well; the tumor and accompanying cyst don't seem to be in a poor location for removal. He thinks it's reasonable for us to hope to be able to go home by next Monday, provided that sidekick-1 is walking and drinking on his own by that time.

Fortunately, I had my mental breakdown this weekend. So I'm fine now. ;)

Tuesday was full of doctor's appointments and being checked into the hospital and MRIs -- making decisions on the fly. I ate junk because that was what was available. When I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep (can't imagine why?), I sat in the "Quiet Room" for a while. I realized that I will have a much more difficult time if I don't change what I eat and drink for the next week. I'll have more energy and feel more clearheaded if I ditch the insert-name-of-fast-food-joint-here and opt for healthier choices. I'm going to ask My Hero to bring some frozen Amy's dinners and some fresh fruit. (There's a mini fridge in the room). I'm going to toss the soda and drink water instead.

None of these choices are going to change what ultimately happens with my son. But these choices will affect me and how I am able to support him.

If you're of the sort, please pray for my son and my family.

Red Vines, Cheetoes, Cookie Dough, Oh My!!!

2010-09-05T08:45:00.000-06:00

In the last several days, I've had soda, bacon cheeseburgers, french fries, ice cream, etc. I'm up to 297.8 lbs. I realized that I've been writing this blog for several months and have not even lost 10 lbs. Right now, I'm 6 pounds heavier than when I started.

I have some huge mental block about the 280s. Every time I visit them, I make bad choices and say, "Sayonara."

Even now, with all this weighing on my mind, I'm not personally committed to eating healthy food today. It seems as if I must be committed to personal sabotage. My choices are my own and I'm the only one who is responsible for them.

Discouraged

2010-09-02T08:01:00.000-06:00

I didn't do Power of 10 yesterday. I haven't been eating on plan. I'm not feeling it. I feel low.

Monday Morning Weigh-In: Bummer .....

2010-08-30T09:31:00.000-06:00

Last Monday: 287.0 lbs.
This Monday: 287.8 lbs.
Difference: +0.8 lbs.

The scale only went up 0.8 lbs. It could be due to:

Water weight
Not eating on plan M, T, W of last week
Not doing Power of 10 on Wednesday
Gaining weight from muscle :)

the fact that I'm 5 months pregnant!

I really wanted to be 285 today. Oh, bother! Part of my brain wants to say, "It's impossible; give up! Of course, you're not strong enough to do it." I'm choosing to ignore that naysayer in me. I've got good food plans for today; I've already started off the day with a healthy breakfast (2 Belgian waffle quarters -- one with a poached egg, not fried, and one with raspberries and agave nectar).

Non-scale victory -- Clearly you can't see any weight loss in my stomach area; it's getting bigger and rounder. But the other day, My Hero said he noticed that my legs were getting leaner. Score!

Here's to bigger and better successes and burning off fat next week!

Recipes and Is It Possible to Make a Healthy Orange Julius?

2010-08-29T18:17:00.000-06:00

The Real Deal

Breakfast: I forgot to make overnight oats last night. :( This morning I tried out a new smoothie idea. I used to make homemade Orange Julius' all the time with orange juice concentrate, cow milk or coconut milk, vanilla extract, sweetener - brown sugar, maple syrup, and ice. They were my smoothie of choice. What if I could make a healthy version? I used:

Vanilla Rice Protein Powder from Nutribiotic
Frozen orange juice concentrate
Vanilla extract
Cashew butter
Goat milk
2 bananas
Agave nectar

It tasted O.K., but not great. And it ended up having 100+ calories more than my traditional chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie. But it did keep me going until 3 p.m. when we finally had lunch.

Lunch/Dinner: Waffles via "The Waffle Plan" and a small glass of OJ. Our fruit topping today was a medley of strawberries, peaches, and mangoes. I was tempted, but refrained, from having more waffles.

Recipes from yesterday:

If I like the salad dressing, I enjoy eating salad; otherwise I feel like a rabbit. Here's my new go-to salad dressing:

Recipe #1
Asian Sesame Salad Dressing
Adapted from Robert Irvine

Ingredients
• 1/8 cup rice wine vinegar
• 1 shallot clove, quartered
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon black pepper
• 2 teaspoons tahini or peanut butter
• 1/2 cup sesame oil
• 1 tablespoon agave nectar

Directions
Add 1 at a time through the feed tube of a running blender, vinegar, shallot, salt, pepper, tahini, and sesame seeds. Leaving the blender running add the oil in a slow thin stream. My Hero cut the shallots up really fine, and I stirred up everything in a bowl with a fork.

Recipe #2

Zippy Glazed Carrots - My Mom's Version

Ingredients

2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons prepared mustard
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon parsley
3 cups cooked, sliced, drained carrots

Melt butter in saucepan; stir in mustard, sugar and salt. Cook till bubbly. Add carrots; stir till all carrots are glazed. Top with parsley.

Recipe #3
Zippy Glazed Carrots - My Variation

Ingredients

Olive oil, canola oil, or other mild oil
Prepared mustard
Honey, agave nectar, or maple syrup
Salt and pepper
Parsley
Cooked carrots (if you buy baby carrots, you don't have to cut or peel them)
SECRET INGREDIENT: Just a dash or two of yellow curry

Mix the above ingredients in reasonable approximations of the original recipe. You know you've hit the target when the carrots are tangy and sweet. Bonus points for carmelizing the carrots while cooking them with the sauce in a cast iron pan.

I Am The King of the World !!!!

2010-08-28T21:38:00.000-06:00

Today, I moved the ab machine.

In the past, all I've been able to do is strain against it. In fact, I had to ask My Hero for help -- he was the one who showed me that the machine even moved in the first place. And today....

I did not one, but TWO reps on the ab machine!

I am awesome! I am wonderful!

I am strong! I am powerful!

Breakfast: Overnight oats with chocolate rice protein powder and goat milk yogurt, raspberries, cashew butter, and agave nectar. Filling if not quite as delicious with almond butter and maple syrup.

Note to self: keep almond butter and maple syrup in stock because they taste better.

Lunch: Amy's Indian Samosa Wrap with a green salad and purple grapes, two squares of dark chocolate. I got all excited seeing this product at the store because I love samosas. Turns out the reason I love samosas is because they're crispy on the outside and it comes with a cilantro chutney. My Amy's samosa wrap was not crispy (because it was a whole wheat wrap, not a samosa) and I didn't think to make the cilantro chutney. It tasted fine and would be a good alternative to a burrito one day, but I was daydreaming about my samosa with cilantro chutney.

Note to self: buy or make cilantro chutney.

Dinner: Green salad with Asian salad dressing (recipe pending), zippy glazed carrots (recipe to follow), and cheesy egg noodles.

Yes to the water.

Yes to the prenatal vitamin.
Yes to the Emergen-C.

Today at the store I started to get weak and dizzy again. My vision was fine, but I felt an urgent need to sit down and rest. Similar to Thursday's episode, but not as severe. It was shortly after my Power of 10 workout -- which I rocked!!! -- but no other signifying events. Hmmm.... don't know what's going on (I think I might call the OB on Monday).

No queasiness today. When I was talking to My Hero last night about yesterday's queasiness, he suggested that it might have been the flax seeds from my Uncle Sam's cereal. When I'm not pregnant, there's no problem so I didn't even think about it. I followed his suggestion and no queasiness today. And I know it's not the pregnancy; I've thrown up a whopping 3 times in 7 pregnancies.

Today was awesome. I have good plans for tomorrow. And I'm looking forward to Monday's weigh in!

Pampering & Too Queasy to Drink Water

2010-08-27T23:34:00.000-06:00

Breakfast: Uncle Sam cereal with goat milk and fresh raspberries. Exceptionally filling and tasty fresh.

Lunch: Homemade bread with homemade goat cheese and honey. Purple grapes.

Snack: 6 squares of dark chocolate dipped in peanut butter.

Dinner: One, ONE, ONE, ONE piece of homemade pizza. I had some of the toppings off a second piece, but I'm not counting that as the consumption of an entire piece. Yahoo! One piece of pizza. We ran out of salad fixings so there wasn't any green stuff on my plate today.

No to the water (I drank half).
Yes to the prenatal vitamin.
Yes to the vitamin C.

I felt really queasy a lot of the day. I didn't actually feel like I was going to toss my cookies, but just a general upset stomach. And again, I was extra tired.

A little pampering: Tonight I gave myself a manicure and a pedicure, and My Hero graciously agreed to sand my feet. They get dry and tend to crack especially in this low humidity area. So we break out the electric sander. Goofy, huh?

Tomorrow's my Power of 10 day. Wish me luck!

What I Did and Did Not Do

2010-08-26T22:27:00.000-06:00

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday: I didn't drink the water or take the horse pill or take the vitamin C. I didn't have regular planned meals with appropriate calorie levels. The only thing I did do was not eat junk. I didn't have any cow milk or sugar or whatever. I also did not do Power of 10 on Wednesday for which I mentally berated myself all day long today. All in all, I don't think I did too much damage. I could've had Oreo's and bacon cheeseburgers, but I didn't. Earlier this week, I was grocery shopping and I looked for a long time at Ben & Jerry's. I didn't buy any because I realized I didn't want any. That's PROGRESS!

Today has been weird. I have been extra tired -- even more so that usual. I took a two and a half hour nap this afternoon. Fortunately, it was My Hero's day off so he managed the little sidekicks while I slept. Then, at the grocery store this afternoon, I almost passed out. I got really dizzy; it was difficult to breathe; and I started to see black and white checkered squares in my peripheral vision. It passed within a few minutes, but it was freaky at the time. It wasn't for lack of food because I'd had a cup of hearty cereal about 45 minutes before it happened. The goofy thing is, something like this has happened before. I was pregnant with sidekick-3 at the time and I passed out.

*** Note: Mom, if you're reading this, I feel fine now, and I promise to mention it to the nurse midwife at my next appointment.

I'm chalking up the beginning of this week to pregnancy. Crazy tired, crazy motivation, crazy patterns.

Breakfast (around 8 a.m.): Complete indulgence. My Hero made pancakes. He makes great pancakes. I had 4 pancakes with maple syrup. I had been planning on trying out a new smoothie idea, but the smell and allure of the pancakes waylaid me. Ah well.

Lunch (around 3:30 p.m.): Those 4 pancakes kept me full for a LONG time. I grabbed a cup of Uncle Sam cereal with goat milk on my way out the door to go pick up the sidekicks.

Dinner (at 8:45 p.m.): After the church ice cream social (I did NOT have any ice cream), I was hungry. My Hero made me scrambled eggs with capers and goat cheese, and a side of purple grapes.

No, no, no to the water, horse pill, and water.

But at least I ate semi-regular meals today. And my mind has cleared up. I feel a little more in control now.

Monday Morning Weigh-In: Yahoo!!!!

2010-08-23T08:38:00.001-06:00

Last Monday: 293.2 lbs.

This Monday: 287.0 lbs.

Difference: -5.2 lbs.

I haven't posted a Monday morning weigh in a while because I was still heavier than the lowest weight I'd published on the blog. Also, during those long blog absences, I'd gotten back up to 298 lbs. But that's behind me now. Yahoo!!! I'm so excited to be back in the 280s.

I feel good about my health plan. I feel confident about my choices. I'm excited because there's still a week left in August and all of September before I hit the third trimester. Those last three months my focus will still be the same, (but I won't expect to lose any weight):

healthy food in moderation
Power of 10 twice a week *(see note)
2 quarts of water
prenatal vitamin
2 packets of Emergen-C a day

*Note: About a week or two before my due date, I'm going to transition from Power of 10 to swimming and the elliptical machine. Those exercises tire me out for the day. Power of 10 kicks my trash for 2-3 days at a time. I want to have access to all the energy I can for labor.

Sunday Waffles Are Soooooo Delicious!!!

2010-08-22T22:26:00.001-06:00

In retrospect, I think that the blah's last Monday and the mini-binge last Tuesday were from my body cleaning itself from the effects of sugar. I've not had any for a week and a half. Maybe I was experiencing sugar withdrawal last Monday and Tuesday; maybe not. Whatever it was, it's long gone. I continue to feel great and be hopeful and optimistic about my goals.

Breakfast: Overnight oats with oats, goat milk yogurt, Chocolate Rice Protein, raspberries, almond butter and maple syrup. It was filling and delicious. It kept me going for 6 hours so that was a major plus.

Lunch: Waffles. Our family likes to have waffles on Sunday, but I haven't made them recently because I didn't have a plan for how to handle my portion size. Crispy, Belgian waffles are so good that I didn't trust myself not to overeat. Well, the other day I developed "The Waffle Plan".

"The Waffle Plan" includes 2 quarters of the Belgian waffle: one quarter topped with an egg (for protein and to fill me up) and one quarter topped with the goat milk butter, fruit (today it was blueberries) and almond agave nectar syrup (which we concocted today).

Prognosis? RAVING SUCCESS!!! I had my two quarters and a small glass of OJ and I was full and it tasted great and I didn't feel deprived; I felt satiated and had a delightful meal. All due, of course, to "The Waffle Plan".

Snack: One rye cracker with homemade goat cheese and oysters. And I think some dark chocolate is going to make an appearance as well.

Yes to the prenatal vitamin and the vitamin C. I drank about a third of the water. If I had been more focused on accomplishing this aspect of health today, I probably would have drank two-thirds. But I just don't see the wisdom in cramming 2 quarts of water into my system after 1:30 p.m. I am, after all, a pregnant woman who already gets up in the middle of the night to use the restroom. Why add fuel to the fire? I jest. I should've drunk more water. Tomorrow I'll do better.

Recipe (I use the word loosely)

Almond Agave Nectar Syrup

1 cup agave nectar
1 cup water
1-2 capfuls almond extract

Combine in pan. Bring to boil. Boil until liquid is reduced by half. Allow to cool. Serve over Belgian waffles. <-- this way, my hyperactive sidekick-3 (who pings off any form of sugar, even evaporated cane juice) is good-to-go eating syrup because agave nectar is low on the glycemic index.

She's On A Roll Now, Folks!!!

2010-08-21T19:32:00.000-06:00

Today I did well! Yay!!!

Breakfast: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie with Chocolate Rice Protein powder and a new addition. I heard about this product from Oh She Glows. It's a probiotic with all sorts of "alkalizing green superfoods, antioxidant rich fruits, and support herbs". I read one testimonial on their website that said it was good for energy and good for the digestive tract. Plus, I thought it might be a good, temporary way to get more fruits and vegetables into my diet. It's called Chocolate Green Superfood from Amazing Grass.

Review: I added it to my smoothie and I thought it was fine. There was no substantial taste difference. One scoop is only 30 calories. I'll test it for a couple of weeks and see what happens to my energy levels and my digestion.

Lunch: One piece of leftover pizza, small green salad and green grapes. One of the sidekicks snitched most of the toppings of the pizza so basically it was a piece of focaccia bread. Also a square of All-Natural Dark Chocolate with Cacao Nibs from Endangered Species. It's sweetened with beet sugar, and the cocoa content is 72%. One square only has 28 calories. It's über dark and the cacao nibs add a crunch. It's very satisfying.

Dinner: Sliced tomatoes, steamed broccoli, whole wheat pasta with an artichoke-hummus-cheese sauce, and 2 pieces of homemade bread with goat milk butter. My stomach would have been satisfied if I hadn't had the bread -- so that's a change I can make for the better. The artichoke-hummus-cheese sauce didn't turn out so well; the garbanzo beans made it too thick. Ah well, sometimes experiments don't work out.

Power of 10: For the second time, I've forgotten that I do better when I know how many reps I did last time. I find I work harder if I know what goal I have to beat. If I don't have that goal in mind, I don't push myself as hard. And then I choose to go back to the machine to punch out a few more reps to beat last time.

Side note: Nothing like being an obese pregnant woman in the weights section next to the buff guys who are squatting a couple of hundred pounds. Nope, I'm not intimidated at all. Okay, maybe a little. But I still went. And I still finished my workout.

Fitness experts are always talking about how important it is to have a strong core. And you think to yourself, "Okay, I walk/lift/run/exercise/whatnot. How hard could it be to develop a strong core?"

Bwa ha ha ha!!

Freakin' impossibly hard. All right, I'm exaggerating a little bit. But not too much. I can't lift the 10 lbs. on the ab machine. I pull and strain hard against it with all my might, and ...... *crickets * ...... nothing. I think to myself, "One of these days I'll actually move it instead of pull against it." Ah well.

I have high hopes for tomorrow. How about you?

I Feel A Streak Comin' On!

2010-08-20T20:29:00.001-06:00

Man, I'm feeling good, feeling positive. Heck, I'm even feeling optimistic! I feel great about the direction I'm headed.

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with dill, capers, and goat cheese. Canteloupe. Very filling.

Lunch: Chocolate-peanut butter-banana smoothie with Chocolate Rice Protein powder from Nutribiotic. How I have missed thee! How much I love thee! Thou art so delicious! Yay, I'm glad that my freezer is working correctly, that I have frozen bananas, and that I get to eat my "ice cream" treat again.

Dinner: Friday Night is Pizza Night! I had 2 pieces of homemade pizza and two servings of garden salad with salad dressing. I consider this a raving success because in the past my minimum has been 4 pieces of pizza. Next week, I'll shoot for a smaller serving.

Yes to the water.
Yes to the horse pill.
Yes to the vitamin C.

Tomorrow is my Power of 10 session. And I'm actually looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to pushing myself and working hard and sweating and getting big muscles. Hanz and Franz want to pump me up!!!

Good Food Can Be Healthy, Too

2010-08-19T20:09:00.001-06:00

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with dill and goat cheese, canteloupe. You know how some spices just sit in your cabinet and never get used? I have a few of those. But not dill. I love dill. I add dill to scrambled eggs, to salad dressing, to fish, to as many things as I can think of -- My Hero thinks I add it too much.

Lunch: Shared some sushi with My Hero. I also had a peanut butter and jam tortilla, and then another half of a peanut butter and jam tortilla.

Dinner: I experimented with a few recipes. One was a mango pilaf -- a little on the spicy side (turned out excellent; several sidekicks had seconds). The other one recipe was made up, lima beans with a sauce comprised of the stock from the scallops from yesterday, and lime juice, and capers. This one also turned out well, but I cooked the beans too long. They were a little soft. And a garden salad to top it off.

I was pleased with the recipes, but they weren't the best pairing. My Hero and I decided the mango pilaf would go better with a bean with a sweet and sour sauce and pineapple. The lima beans with lime, fish stock and capers would go well with a nutty brown rice with mushrooms. We eat rice and beans at least once a week because it's cheap. We try to vary what kind of beans and what kind of rice and what kind of preparation for each. We spend a little more on the flavorings because we're not spending big $$$ buying meat for 8 people.

Yes to the water.
Yes to the horse pill.
Yes to the Emergen-C.

And just in case you were interested, here's the recipe for the mango pilaf. I highlighted my changes.

Mango Pilaf

½ cup dried, sweetened mango, diced FROZEN, CANNED OR FRESH DICED MANGOES
¼ cup pine nuts, toasted SLICED ALMONDS
½ cup onion, chopped FORGOT
1 cup basmati rice 2 CUPS
½ teaspoon salt
14 oz. chicken broth 4 CUPS VEGETABLE BROTH, MANGO JUICE, OJ, ETC.
¾ cup water SKIPPED IT
1 teaspoon basil
½ teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper DIDN'T HAVE ANY
1 TABLESPOON SWEETENER – HONEY, AGAVE, OR MAPLE SYRUP
black pepper

Original instructions:

Dice dried mango into ¼ inch pieces using kitchen shears. Combine rice, salt, broth, mango, onion and water in a medium saucepan. Bring to a boil. Cover, turn the heat down to simmer for 15 to 18 minutes (until rice is tender and liquid is absorbed). Toast pine nuts in a dry frying pan over medium heat. Stir the pine nuts, basil, cumin, chili powder and cayenne pepper into rice. Pepper to taste and serve.

My directions:

In a skillet, brown rice until it has a golden color, stirring occasionally. Combine 2 cups vegetable broth, 2 cups mango juice, 1 can diced mangos, basil, cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper, and agave. Bring to boil. Reduce liquid to about 4 1/2 cups. Add rice. Bring back to boil. Cover and reduce heat. Cook rice according to the directions or 15 minutes. Remove from heat. Fluff and top with sliced almonds. Serve.

My Train Didn't Jump The Tracks

2010-08-18T20:42:00.000-06:00

I am not going to let yesterday's screwup derail me. I'm going to eat as healthy as I can -- I'm going to do Power of 10 twice a week -- I'm going to drink 2 quarts of water a day -- I'm going to nourish my body and my sidekick baby with the horse pill every day -- I'm going to energize my body by taking vitamin C. I'm going to succeed at becoming Physicallee Fit.

And I did today.

Breakfast: Uncle Sam cereal with goat milk and blueberries. What is Uncle Sam cereal, you ask? Whole wheat, whole flaxseed, salt, barley malt, and vitamins. It's crunchy because the flax seeds are toasted. It's not too sweet, and it's a good source of protein.

Lunch: One serving of Amy's Roasted Vegetable Pizza and a half of a small canteloupe. This was in lieu of the chocolate/peanut butter/banana smoothie that I was going to have. My bananas were mushy instead of frozen. I'm guessing that one of the sidekicks left the freezer door open. I hope it's that. I hope it's not that my refrigerator is busted and I'll have to deal with my landlord via the atrocious property management company.

Dinner: Scallops, fresh green beans steamed with a mushroom sauce and topped with toasted pine nuts, curry rice, and a garden salad. I'm pretty sure it was tasty, but by the time dinner got on the table, I was tense and didn't really taste a single bite. The sidekicks ate it up, though. Sidekick-2 and sidekick-3 had fourths of curry rice and green beans. And they asked if they could have curry rice and green beans in their lunches. That's a good sign that it tasted good, right?

Power of 10: It took me a while to get into the swing of it. I started on one of the machines and was feeling no joy. I realized that I left my MP3 player in the car. After a heated internal debate, I decided to go fetch it. The music started to liven my spirits. And as I lifted the weights, I felt even better. Also, I discovered another way to further isolate the muscle in the leg extension (without cheating by using my quads). By the time I was finished, I was spent. Once again, I did not drop any sidekicks on the way back to the car. :)

Yes to the water and then some.

Yes to the horse pill.

Yes to the vitamin C.

I'm feeling pretty good. How about you?

Blah, Blah, Binge

2010-08-17T22:59:00.000-06:00

Turns out last night's blah feeling wasn't totally without merit. I was a pound lighter on the scale this morning. I was down four pounds from last week. But my blah night last night could easily have been a precursor to today's binge.

Breakfast: Whole wheat Belgian waffle with almond butter, and a coconut milk/cherry sauce sweetened with pear juice. The sauce couldn't have been easier. Two cans of cherries (no artifical or preservative anything) and one can of coconut milk. Simmer until the liquid is reduced by 1/3 to 1/2. Serve over the waffles.

Lunch: Salmon sushi, swig of mango juice, and two macaroons. Perfectly respectable and would have remained so if I had stopped eating. I let my emotions get the better of me and chomped down while I drove: including three tortillas with butter, dried mangoes, more mango juice, and more macaroons.

I was tired and stressed out from shopping in the Southwestern heat with three little sidekicks. I was totally worn out. I was also stressed about a personal project. I had the water drunk by 4 p.m. I drank another quart of water to melp mitigate the binge. I feel a little tired of trying to eat right.

Yes to the water.
No to the vitamin C and horsepill.

Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings. Okay, that might've been a little TOO sarcastic.

What's It Called When You Do Well and Still Feel Crummy?

2010-08-16T23:15:00.000-06:00

Breakfast: OJ, whole wheat Belgian waffle with strawberries, maple syrup and almond butter. (My Hero made an uncharateristic mistake and bought butter -- and I was tempted, but didn't have any).

Lunch: Amy's Organics Meatless Shepherd's Pot Pie, tomato salad with balsamic vinegar and olive oil. This meal was a little light on calories. The pot pie was 180 calories. So I had some gingersnaps dipped in peanut butter to finish it off.

Dinner: Homemade tomato soup, homemade bread.

Yes to the water.
Yes to the horse pill.
Yes to the Emergen-C.

Also I visisted the Y with My Hero so that he could help me fine tune my Power of 10 workout. I'd been having a little difficulty with two machines there. He showed me some ways to improve on the back extension and recommended a switch for the abdominal work. It was really helpful having his advice. Just another perk of having married him is that he knows a weight room because he played college football.

Today started off great, but my mood switched somewhere this afternoon. Now it feels like a failure which doesn't make sense. I did all that I required of myself. It's gotta be hormones or something. Why else would I feel like I'd gone to Mickie D's or DQ or totally binged in some other way? Because that's how I feel. I feel like I overate and flaked out on trying. I still feel kind of depressed.

Blah, today. Better, tomorrow?

Success on a Sunday

2010-08-15T21:33:00.001-06:00

Breakfast: Overnight oats with chocolate protein powder, goat milk yogurt, raspberries, almond butter, and a splash of maple syrup. Delicious and filling.

Lunch: Smoothie with cocoa, chocolate protein powder, banana, raspberries, agave nectar and just enough goat milk to get the blender to spin. I LOVE these smoothies. They're essentially ice cream without the sugar and the milk. And by adding the protein powder, I stay full for 4 - 5 hours.

Dinner: Chipotle Vegetarian Burrito Bowl with rice, pinto beans, green peppers, onions, tomato salsa and guacamole.

I made a few changes to our Sunday morning routine (got up an hour earlier, did my hair before the kids were up, ate breakfast an hour earlier, etc.) and I made a few changes to how we sit at church (separated the big sidekicks from the little sidekicks, sat in the foyer with the little sidekicks where no one expects them to be super quiet). It took the stress level way down. So much less stress that I can actually enjoy Sunday afternoon with them. Maybe play games, maybe watch a little scripture stories, maybe go visiting.

I drank most of the water, but didn't chug the vitamin C or down the horse pill. I got a late start drinking water because of church. I can either choose to make Sunday a lite water day or take the water bottle to church to get a head start.

All in all, I count today a success.

Putting Out the Fire .....

2010-08-14T21:59:00.000-06:00

I was worried this morning that I would slip into a weekend bacchanalia of food and overeating after last night's poor choice of over-dosing on pizza and chocolate cookies. But so far, so good.

Breakfast: Chocolate-almond butter-strawberrry-raspberry-banana smoothie with protein powder and a splash of maple syrup. The frozen strawberries and raspberries were a little tart!

Lunch: Oysters and goat cheese on homemade bread -- warm, homemade bread -- and cherries. Oysters are cheap and a good source of protein. Plus, the smoky flavor with the tangy goat cheese is oh-so-decadent!

Dinner: One serving of Amy's Roasted Vegetable Pizza, salad with baby cucumbers, and canteloupe. Remarkably filling.

Yes to the 2 quarts of water!
Yes to the prenatal horse pill!
Yes to the multitude of milligrams of vitamin C!

A big YES to the Power of 10 workout today! I'm getting better at fatiguing the muscles. Today I actually broke a sweat lifting weights. I've never done that before. And.... I broke a sweat in less than 25 minutes.

Feeling good, feeling optimistic. I have good eating plans for tomorrow. It's going to be a beautiful weekend!

So About Last Night.....

2010-08-14T09:35:00.000-06:00

Breakfast: Overnight oats with chocolate protein powder and goat milk yogurt. Topped with almond butter, raspberries and maple syrup. Very yummy.

Lunch: Odds and ends from the sidekicks lunch -- goat cheese on rye crackers, olives and grapes. Then, during naptime ... (Let me ruminate here for a moment about how much I love naptime. Naptime is the greatest invention in the free world).... I had ginger snaps dipped in peanut butter.

Snack: Three chocolate cookies.

Dinner: 4 pieces of homemade pizza. Yes, folks, you heard it here first. Once again, I ate too much pizza. And then for dessert, I finished off the chocolate cookies (there were 5).

The bad news? I had too much to eat.
The good news? At least I stopped at a semi-reasonable level.

I drank the water, swallowed the horsepill, and downed the vitamin C.

Friday was a wash. Some good decisions, some not-so-good decisions.

Another Good Day!!!

2010-08-12T18:01:00.000-06:00

Breakfast: 2 whole wheat pancakes with goat milk butter and maple syrup. My Hero warned me that I wouldn't be able to finish them. He was right. They were hearty!

Lunch: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie. I added my new rice protein power. It didn't add much to the flavor or creaminess, but it didn't take much away either. I feel like it might be the reason why I'm not starving 4 fours later.

Dinner: Tuna salad with apples over lettuce. Tomato and avocado wedges. Fresh homemade bread. Light and summery.

I drank the water before 4 p.m. :)
I had the horse pill this morning. :)
I quaffed the vitamin C this morning. :)

I visited the OB today and sidekick-7 is growing nicely. In fact, he is showing true to form, and I'm measuring larger than normal. My Hero and I grow them big (and it's not a gestational diabetes thing). More good news is that my OB doctor's office weight was the same as last month. So while I feel that I might not be making enough progress on my goals of being Physicalllee Fit, at least I'm holding steady.

Back Again at Square One, a.k.a. Day 1 (again!)

2010-08-11T22:24:00.003-06:00

Breakfast: Overnight oats with goat milk yogurt and rice protein powder. Topped with almond butter, blackberries and maple syrup. I ate about 8 a.m. This kept me full and going until 1 p.m. And that's including a Power of 10 workout.

Note: I've never been a big fan of protein powder because of all the unpronounceable ingredients. And they add fake flavoring and sweetener. I found one that is a rice protein powder that uses enzymes to extract protein. It's flavored with organic vanilla. Those are the two ingredients: rice and vanilla. It's Organic Rice Protein, Vanilla by Nutribiotic.

I also got a sample of the chocolate. It has a sweetener and some "natural" flavors in it. But the ingredient list is still short and understandable.

Lunch: Homemade bread with goat cheese and oysters, cherries. Get this, I stopped eating when I was full even though my plate was not finished!!! I also sat at the dining room table in a chair and simply ate. Not ate and surfed, not ate and read, not ate and wrote. I simply ate. I think that's why I was able to stop eating when I was full.

Dinner: Whole wheat pasta with marinara sauce and a poached egg. Green salad with avocado slices and goat milk yogurt dressing.

Exercise: Yee ha!!! Another Power of 10 completed. I'm really starting to understand muscle fatigue. I focus on my breathing (I have a tendency to hold my breath). I move the weight s-l-o-w-l-y. And then at the end, my breathing is more rapid, my muscle is shaking and I s-l-o-w-l-y set the weight down. I love the machines. I love the Y. I love Power of 10. I don't love lifting the baby after the workout when I pick up the sidekicks -4,-5, and -6 from the Activity Center. My muscles were jelly. I'm glad I didn't drop her. ;)

Drank all the water.
Swallowed the horse pill.
Got my vitamin C.

Yay me! Yay for you too!

Why Do I Make Idiotic Choices? And How to Fix Them.

2010-08-07T09:03:00.000-06:00

WARNING: There's a bit of rambling at the end.

Read at your peril of boredom and confusion!

Breakfast: 1/2 of a failed attempt at overnight oats. Milk is not a good substitute for yogurt. Frozen banana is not a good substitute for fresh, mashed banana. Plus, my silly teeth are starting to be sensitive to sweet as well as hot and cold. Aaargh!!!

Lunch: 2 slices homemade bread with honey. 1/2 avocado and a handful of blueberries.

Snack: Non-dairy berry smoothie from Whole Foods. Made with vanilla soymilk, strawberries and bananas.

Dinner: Homemade pizza. Friday night is Movie Night / Pizza Night, doncha know? TOO MUCH PIZZA! WAY TOO MUCH PIZZA! AAARRGGHHH!

2 quarts H2O? No, only 1 1/2 quarts.
Horse pill? No.
Two Emergen-Cs? No.

Why do I make such frustrating choices when they don't lead me to what I say I want. I can feel the positive differences in my body from the Power of 10. But unless I follow through with positive eating choices, I'll just be figuratively treading water and not moving forward.

So let's dissect. Last night, I was deadbeat tired. I had a smoothie on the way home from one store to pick up the kids from school. Then there was one more store. By the time we got home, I had been out and about in the heat from 9:30 a.m. (believe me, folks, it's hot at 9:30 a.m. -- I think it was like 107°) to 5:30 p.m. (when it got up around 114°). That's 8 hours in and out of the big, black beast, my Suburban, with the kidlets. After a while, my water turned from lukewarm to hot. Who wants to drink hot water unless it's been steeping tea? I was hot and tired.

I laid down on the couch at 7:30 p.m. My Hero woke me up at 11 p.m. when I trudged upstairs for my nightly cleansing rituals. And then we talked for a while. I went to sleep again. Even accounting for that awakeness for washing my face and such and talking with My Hero, I still went to sleep at 8:30 p.m. I do need to account for how tired I am: the heat, the pregnancy, the heat, the long day of errands, the heat.

The pizza smelled so good and I didn't have any backup plans for being super hungry. If I had stuck to my Friday sushi solution, then I think I might have been okay. I also felt so tired from trying so hard to eat cleanly. It feels like a constant effort. It IS a constant effort. That bugs me. Which is retarded. So what if I'm bugged. It is what it is.

Solutions: I can't do anything about how hot it is or the big, black beast. I could freeze water in my water bottle so that the water is more refreshing. Also, I think instead of a smoothie, I would have been more refreshed and re-energized, if I'd had my Emergen-Cs. The smoothie added calories and it didn't give me any oomph. Usually, I have an hour catnap in the afternoon when the little sidekicks are napping -- that is also a winning solution.

Anyway, today is another chance to ~~right the wrongs of yesterday~~ succeed. After breakfast, we're off to the Y. The sidekicks will play in the Activity Center (which is FREE which is wonderful) and I'll do the Power of 10. Then we'll all go swimming. After that, I'm torn between making it a play day (fun errands and lunch at Whole Foods with My Hero) or a work day (clean all 3 bathrooms, run laundry and scrub the kitchen).

Another Day, Another Step Closer to Being Physicallee Fit

2010-08-05T22:31:00.000-06:00

Breakfast: Chocolate, banana smoothie with cashew butter.

Snack: Fresh raspberries

Lunch: 2 slices of homemade bread with goat cheese and oysters. 1 square dark chocolate with cocoa nibs.

Dinner: Salmon with a miso sauce. Green beans with a mushroom sauce topped with toasted almonds. Whole grain linguine with a cheese sauce.

Last night, sidekick-2 and I made yogurt popsicles. We got the idea and the recipe from Amy at Super Healthy Kids. She posted an easy recipe for good-for-you popsicles. For our first time, we used:

plain goat milk yogurt
plum jam (sweetened with fruit juice)

We're testing our results tomorrow night. If it needs more flavor, I'll try the vanilla goat milk yogurt or add some vanilla extract.

Yes to the 2 QUARTS of water.
Yes to the horse pill.
Yes to the Emergen-C.

Title, Schmitle. Still in the Saddle.

2010-08-04T21:43:00.000-06:00

So far, so good.

Breakfast: 3 small pieces of homemade bread with honey. Small bowl of honeydew.

Lunch: Scrambled eggs with goat cheese, spinach and tomato.

Dinner: Oh-so-yummy, homemade clam chowder (broth based, not thick) and homemade bread. I might have had 5 pieces of bread and 2 bowls of chowder. I might have eaten a little too much!

Making homemade bread is super cheap for my family of 8, soon to be 9; however, it does make dieting a little difficult. Imagine smelling freshly baked bread everyday. Then imagine a little slice of warm, freshly baked bread with a drizzle of honey.

Finished TWO, count 'em TWO, quarts of water? Halle-frickin-le-jah, YES!
Finished Emergen-C? YES.
Finished horse pill? YES.

Plus....

I dragged myself to the Y and did the Power of 10. WOW! I feel so much better mentally. And I can already see progress in the weight training. I can lift more weight or do more reps.

I'm Getting Back in the Saddle Again

2010-08-04T09:01:00.000-06:00

I'm back in the saddle again

Out where a friend is a friend

Where the longhorn cattle feed

On the lowly gypsum weed

Back in the saddle again

Gene Autry isn't too far off. There's a county island next to my parents where one of the families have a longhorn bull. And I live where tumbleweeds can still blow across the road.

I weighed 297 lbs. this morning. All the work that got me to 289.0 is gone. And I'm starting again. The gain is due to eating massive amounts of junk for 5 days straight. Sweet and salty junk. Yes, my fingers are showing massive amounts water retainage.

Part of me feels a little déja vu. I weighed 280 lbs. when I was pregnant with sidekick-3. I worked super hard. I was on the elliptical 45 minutes a day for 5 days a week. I gained 2 lbs. during that pregnancy, and it was right at the end when the little baby was growing so fast. I feel like I can do that again if I just buckle down and eliminate the junk from my diet. The idea of not eating when you're not hungry applies to pregnant ladies as well as the general population.

The plan:

3 meals (less than 500 calories)
2 quarts water (notice the uptick)
1 prenatal horsepill
2 packets Emergen-C
2 Power of 10 workouts a week (I'm going today)

More déja vu.

A-OK anytime:
fresh fruits
fresh vegetables
herbal tea with agave or honey
maté with agave or honey

Stear clear of:
Cow dairy
Processed white stuff: sugar, flour, etc.
Excess animal protein

Day 10 and Day 11 of "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"

2010-08-02T08:44:00.002-06:00

Day 10

I did the Power of 10 at 8 a.m. on Saturday morning. The Y was mostly empty. I'm still having a little bit of trouble with the abs machine. I can't even lift the smallest weight which is 10 pounds. It's kind of comical, really. I pull against it using my gut and *nothing*. Ah well, it'll develop over time, especially with the ab work within the other compound muscle machines.

Breakfast: Not hungry. My brain may have been saying "Donuts!", but my stomach was definitely hands off.

Lunch: Refried beans with goat milk yogurt garnish, Spanish rice, avocado slices.

Dinner: BBQ stuff. Too rich and too sweet and too much food.

Drank the water? Yes.
Had the horse pill? Yes.
Finished the Emergen-C? Yes.

Day 11

Breakfast: McDonald's

Lunch: Red Vines

Snack: Egg salad.

Dinner: Filiberto's

No, no, no to the water, prenatal vitamin and the Emergenc-C.

It hasn't been a banner weekend.

Day 9 of "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"

2010-07-31T07:42:00.000-06:00

Breakfast: Maté, lemon cake batter (sweetened with agave). Sidekick-1 turns 10 today! And I made a cake! And I licked the batter!

Lunch: Homemade bread with goat milk butter and honey, egg salad. Let's just say I let the portions get out of control.

Snack: Chocolate chip cookies with goat milk. Hint: these were not on the plan!

Dinner: Ham, brussel sprouts, onions, fruit salad, bread, lemon cake. Again, let's just say I let the portions get out of control.

My fingers and joints are all swollen from excess water due to excess salt consumption. My digestive system is in knots from how much food I ate yesterday. My brain is slow and foggy. In short, I feel like crud. And what was I dreaming about when I woke up this morning? Donuts. I was dreaming about freakin' donuts! Am I hungry? Nope, not a lick. But my food addled brain keeps thinking about cruellers.

I'm trying to re-focus. Ms. Bitchcakes just reached her goal weight. I love her style and her perseverance. I don't have a hard and fast goal weight in mind (let's face it -- I haven't been under 200 lbs. since high school which was back in 1994). But I know what I want to look like. I want to be be lean and cut which is one reason why I started Power of 10.

Do I think it's possible for me to be under 200 lbs.? Do I think it's possible for me to be in the 190s, the 180s, the 170s, the 160s, .... eeek..... the 150s? Do I think it's possible for me to be lean and cut? Those goals are fuzzy and seem so far away. Let's re-focus again.

Do I think that I can "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"? Yes, I can. Even with Friday's binge? Yes, I can. I started the challenge at 298.0 lbs. Thursday morning, I weighed 289.0 lbs. That's a loss of 8.0 lbs. I still have all of today, 31 days in August, and 30 days in September. Of course, I can lose 12 more pounds in 62 days or 8 weeks, 6 days.

I'm going to follow Lyn's example at Escape from Obesity. She's on the down swing and has lost over 80 lbs. She always emotionally dissects what caused a binge. By examining it, she can help herself pinpoint the triggers and either avoid the triggers in the future or simply recognize them and not let them control her.

Why did I binge yesterday? This family reunion is messing me up more than I thought. And it's really all kind of silly. My FIL and MIL had 11 children. Nine of those 11 children are married. Ten of those 11 children have children. Including my own sidekicks, there will be 41 granchildren at this event. Including me, there will be 20 BILs and SILs. I am not in any way the main focus of this reunion.

Because of my insecurities, I always feel like I'm being judged and found wanting. My FIL and I are not the best of friends. We weren't buddy-buddy to begin with and then I hurt his son, My Hero, very badly. He encouraged him to divorce me, but My Hero is the most loyal man I've ever known. He didn't take his dad's repeated counsel. That caused a rift and then later, I came back to my senses and My Hero took me back with open arms no questions asked. I feel like my FIL still looks at me like I was then, selfish/immature/not-good-enough. Then again, it's not like my FIL and I are going to spend most of the BBQ chattin' it up. He's no threat to me. My Hero loves me purely and simply; he always has, he always will. And the sidekicks love their grandpa. They have such a good time with him.

Part of me feels my FIL is just the more extreme version of what everyone else feels. That I'm not good enough for their son, brother, BIL, uncle. The mistakes I made are in the past. I've tried hard to fix them. Of course, they'll never go away; the wounds I inflicted on others were too deep. I like to think I've made progress. How do I feel secure in my own skin with the amazing love of My Hero by my side? Writing about part of it, getting it out has been a good start.

How best to go about today-Saturday? Do my best. I probably should double my water intake to counteract the water retention. Do I starve myself (and consequently sidekick-7 who is along for the ride)? Nope. But I should also refrain from eating unless I'm actually hungry. What a concept!

I'll be off to the Y to do Power of 10 in an hour and a half. Wish me luck. Wish you luck.

Day 8 of "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"

2010-07-29T20:39:00.000-06:00

Breakfast: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie.

Lunch: Spanish rice, refried bean, topped with goat milk yogurt and chopped tomato. Square of dark chocolate. No go on the coconut curry soup. Last night, the sidekicks liked the coconut curry sauce on the rice noodles a lot. They polished off the whole batch.

Dinner: Scrambled eggs with spinach, onion, mushroom, tomato and sheep cheese. Cashew-Date Mochi by Grainaissance. OJ.

I finished the water off early in the day. I had to really gut down the horse pill and the Emergen-C. This afternoon, I wanted to EAT. I don't know what I wanted to eat; I just wanted to eat. I had an extra half serving at dinner of both the scrambled eggs and the mochi.

I used henna on my hair today. It's a long, messy process. Messy with a capital M (there was an application incident which caused me stress -- henna doesn't just stain hair; it stains skin). I wanted to cover the gray because we're going to a family reunion this weekend. I gave myself a pedicure on Tuesday. I gave myself a manicure on Sunday, but it didn't take. Nail polish comes off so quickly with repeated use of water and soap, in other words, doing dishes. Maybe I'll try another manicure later.

My MIL and a lot of my SIL's are very feminine and domestically skilled. Sometimes I feel like I don't measure up; often, I feel like I don't fit in. There's tons of kids and everything is always just a tad chaotic. The sidekicks love seeing their cousins, and My Hero needs to visit his family. I wish I didn't feel like such an outsider.

Day 7 of "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"

2010-07-28T19:06:00.000-06:00

Today was the first day of school!

Let it be shouted from the rooftops that

three of the six sidekicks are back in school!

Yee ha!!!! Hallelujah!!!

Breakfast: I tried something new. I've been reading about overnight oats from Oh She Glows; the idea sounded interesting. And then just the other day, a cake for a wife started a new blog about healthy eating, called Food Not Fuss, where she had this post about overnight oats, "Cookie Dough for Breakfast?" I'm a sucker for cookie dough -- the title hooked me good and proper. So I tried it. This is what I did.

1 mashed banana
1/2 cup plain goat milk yogurt (I didn't have vanilla)
1/2 cup rolled oats

I mixed it up, covered it with plastic wrap and stuck it in the refrigerator. This morning after the sidekicks ate their breakfast, I pulled mine out of the refrigerator. (I find it's easier not to eat at the same time as the kiddos during the day -- it's a lot less stressful -- we do have family dinner all together). I added:

1 tablespoon peanut butter (I'd like to try almond butter or macademia butter, too)
1 tablespoon maple syrup

I didn't use protein powder like this recipe called for; I've never been a fan of the stuff. I do see how the protein powder would take it one more step towards cookie dough texture, i.e. nirvana. When I make this again, I'll put 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract or 1/4 teaspoon almond extract in the overnight mixture. It was different. When I want a change of pace, this will be a good alternative.

Lunch: Smoked oysters on rye crackers with goat milk cheese. Très rich and flavorful. Also, Mount Rainier cherries.

Dinner: Stir fry vegetables, rice noodles with coconut curry sauce, shrimp spring rolls. With luck, some of the coconut curry sauce will be left over 'til tomorrow -- for lunch, I'll make coconut curry soup with the leftover sauce, vegetable broth, tofu and dried mushrooms.

Drank the water.
Swallowed the horse pill.
Downed the Emergen-C.

AND .....

I went to the Y and did Power of 10. I think it's going to take some more practice for me to improve the form and breathing techniques. But I definitely feel it. My muscles are all wobbly. Another day closer to being fully Physicallee Fit.

Day 6 of "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"

2010-07-28T07:35:00.000-06:00

Mouth Pain = Not Hungry

I was not hungry at breakfast. I didn't want to eat before the dentist appointment which meant no pain medication. It hurt a lot.

I was at a 7 (just shy of crying). Turns out the mouth pain is a dry socket from last week's removal of the root. The doc said it would take 2 weeks to heal and that there wasn't much to do to help it, only "palliative care". The next two weeks will have lots of clove oil and Q-tips and more aspirin. Ah well. Then it will be over, right? Right?

Breakfast: Skipped.

Lunch: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie.

Snack: Mount Rainier cherries. Lovely, lovely cherries.

Dinner: Refried beans with salsa and goat milk yogurt. Spanish rice, sliced tomatoes and guacamole.

Had the horse pill, drank the water, finished off the two Emergen-C's. I was down to 292.2 lbs. this morning. Still moving in the right direction. Tomorrow is the second round of Power of 10.

This morning was rough. This afternoon was great. I had a rest and the aspirin finally kicked in. It's amazing how good I feel when there's no pain and I have energy to spare.

Day 5 of "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"

2010-07-26T22:36:00.000-06:00

Today was another difficult day. The tooth is still painful, and I'm rapidly reaching my ceiling on what amounts of pain medication I can take. Fortunately, I visit the dentist tomorrow. Also, the stress of the sidekicks' school Open House and the pediatric orthopedist doctor's appointment (sidekick-4 decided to fracture his clavicle last week) emptied out my brain. In fact, my brain was so empty that I locked the keys in the car, at the doctor's office, with all the sidekicks. Miraculously, the situation was resolved with minimal fuss in only 45 minutes. My subconscious must have been singing Gloria Gaynor:

I will survive
As long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
and I'll survive
I will survive

As far at the "PLAN" is going, I did well today. I did really, really, really well this afternoon considering I was ready to ditch it all for a big, juicy bacon cheeseburger with savory french fries and a chocolate malt.

Breakfast: I wasn't hungry. I felt a little water retention (I wondered briefly how much sodium was in Amy's Non-Dairy Vegetable Pot Pie last night). I had a glass of Teavana's Rasberry Riot Lemon Maté with honey. It hit the spot.

Lunch: Scrambled eggs with onion, tomato, cilantro and goat cheese. Orange slice.

Dinner: Chipotle Vegetarian Salad Bowl with pintos, rice, salsa and guacamole. I ate all of it because I was super hungry and the lettuce wasn't as filling as I thought it would be. I ditched the salad dressing. After all, it's all ready dressed with salsa and guac, right?

Treat: Two squares of dark chocolate with cocoa nibs.

I've been so tired lately. I want to go to sleep at 8 p.m. I take 2 hour naps with the sidekicks in the afternoon. I figure it's the brutal Southwestern sun and the pregnancy. Days of 110°+ sap the energy right out of you. Plus, my body is building a baby. Also, I think muscle recovery from weight lifting is a significant factor. I'm going to alter the plan a little. I'll train "Power of 10" style two days a week and not do any other exercise. If I continue to lose weight, great! If I stall out, I'll re-evaluate.

But today....

Had my quart of water? Check! I might increase this in the near future.
Had my prenatal horse pill? Check!
Had my 2 Emergen-C's? Check!

Another successful Physicallee Fit day for the books!

Day 4 of "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"

2010-07-25T19:50:00.000-06:00

Today was a little trickier to navigate. I think all my pregnancy hormone buttons were pushed down and I ended up crying at church. Not because I was moved by the spirit, but because I was so frustrated with my fussy baby sidekick-6. I hate crying at church. I don't like being perceived as weak. The only person I've ever known to never judge me for crying is My Hero. My mom doesn't judge me poorly; she considers it a good thing to cry sometimes, to express emotion (but in my book, that's still technically a judgment).

Between the heightened emotions, the fussy baby, the tooth that is still hurting, it was a difficult day. I'll be glad when it's over. My pessimism says, "I hope that it's different tomorrow."

Breakfast: Shredded Wheat squares with raspberries, agave syrup and goat milk. Very yummy. Going to have to get more raspberries.

Lunch: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie. The weirdest thing happened; I got full 2/3 into it. I shared the rest with the sidekicks. I think that happened because I had a lick of peanut butter while I was making the smoothie. A while back, I read a book called, "You: On a Diet". The authors said that if you have a super small serving of nuts before a meal, it helps to send a hormone message to your brain to signify that you're full. So maybe that's why I couldn't finish my standard size smoothie.

Dinner: Amy's Non-Dairy Vegetable Pot Pie with a dollop of goat milk yogurt (my low-cal, no cow milk, tangy substitute for sour cream).

I think I'm going to stick with the three-meals-a-day option, instead of the two-meals-a-day. I'm going to try and keep each meal under 400-500 calories. My body obviously is craving more calories. I woke up hungry this morning (probably because of the weight lifting yesterday). I never wake up hungry. I usually don't get hungry until 9:30 or 10 a.m.

Drank my water, had my horse pill, and had my two Emergen-C's.

I'll swim on either Monday or Tuesday. My next Power of 10 is on Wednesday. This morning, I weighed 293.4 lbs. A good physical (if not mental) day on the books.

Day 3 of "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"

2010-07-24T23:09:00.000-06:00

Yay me! I finished another day successfully!

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with tomato, cilantro and goat cheese. Raspberries and blackberries.

Lunch: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie. Can you really call it a smoothie if it's so thick you have to eat it with a spoon?

Dinner: Serving of Amy's Roasted Vegetable Pizza. I opted for three meals today because of the workout and my day didn't end until 10 p.m.

Had my quart of water? Check!
Had my prenatal horse pill? Check!
Had my 2 Emergen-C's? Check!

Plus....

I did my first Power of 10 workout tonight. It went well. I was surprised how weak I was after 30 minutes of lifting weights. I think, with practice, I'll really get the hang of fatiguing the muscle.

3 days in and I'm feeling good. Plus, this morning I weighed 294.0 lbs. Back on the down swing!!!

Day 1 & Day 2 of "Lose 20 Pounds by October 1st"

2010-07-23T23:01:00.000-06:00

I've been absent from blogging because I've been so discouraged, despondent, down-in-the-dumps. The big "D" word -- depressed. I may not get physically ill during pregnancy, but I struggle with motivation.

Now, I'm trying to suck it up and get to it again. I want to lose 20 pounds before the baby is born. I figure I have until October before I can't lose anymore fat. October 1st is my deadline.

The rules:

1 quart of water daily
1 prenatal vitamin daily
2 packets Emergen-C daily
2 Power of 10 workouts a week
2 swim sessions a week
2 meals

Brunch: smoothie or eggs or something breakfasty
Linner: M - Th, rice and beans (different assortments); Fri., sushi; Sat. and Sun., Amy's Organic frozen product

A-OK anytime:
fresh fruits
fresh vegetables
herbal tea with agave or honey
maté with agave or honey

Stear clear of:
Cow dairy
Processed white stuff: sugar, flour, etc.
Excess animal protein

So far, so good. I weighed 298 lbs. on July 20th. I weighed 297.4 lbs. this morning. I swam tonite. My body was sluggish because I've been inactive for such a long time. It felt good to get moving again.

Early Bedtime and Not Choosing to Weigh Everyday

2010-06-25T07:06:00.000-06:00

Yesterday:

Ever have one of those days which are entirely too long and way too crazy and you finally get to the end and you’re exhausted ….. like trying to prop-your-head-up-with-your-hand-at-the-dinner-table-exhausted? Yesterday, that was my day. In fact, I went to sleep last night at 7:30 p.m. That’s 7:30 in the evening, folks. Sure, there are lots of contributing factors, namely: I’m pregnant, the Southwestern sun is brutally hot, we did several hours of driving in an un-air conditioned black car (driving in the heat with no AC really takes it out of you).

But it’s still a little sad, really. I remember in my 20’s when I used to leave the house to go out at 9:30 p.m. I was never out crazy late. I’d be back by 1 or 2 a.m. Going to sleep at 7:30 p.m. is ridiculous. Ah well.

Today:

I’m trying something new this week. Normally, I get on the scale every morning. This week, I’m only getting on the scale on Monday morning. Truth be told, it’s a lot easier to do than I thought it would be. I thought I would want to check each morning to see how much damage my overeating had caused. Instead, I’m just merely wondering.

What's a Little Body Fat? and Totally Blowing It

2010-06-24T08:08:00.001-06:00

While I was at the Y yesterday, I got my body fat percentage measured. I wanted to get a baseline for when I started Power of 10 on Saturday. So what is my body fat percentage?

43.1%

Holy frickin’ cow! That’s a lotta lard. Well, information is power. Good to know. Moving on.

I did 30 minutes in the pool. Because the pool was so chaotic with swim classes and lappers and whatnot, I kind of lost track of the number of laps I did. I know it was at least 30, but anything over that is just a guess.

I was home with all the sidekicks by 11 a.m. and I was on track to do well the rest of the day. And I blew it. I’m going to list everything: edamame, sushi, honeydew (relatively decent lunch, but after this is where I started to spiral out of control), chocolate & peanut butter, cherries, 3 hard boiled eggs, The Gym Grill and Bar hamburger, fries, root beer, cookie and ice cream sundae.

I'll try again today. That's the best I can hope for.

Second Day on the Wagon

2010-06-22T20:33:00.001-06:00

This looks like a wagon that when you fell off, it would really hurt. Anyway. The elliptical was rough this morning. I really had to slug through it. But…. I did it!

I’m reading a fitness book with a weight training program that I’m going to try implementing this weekend. It’s called Power of 10 by Adam Zickerman. It’s a weight training method that uses slow cadences to achieve results. He asserts that you don’t need to do any other exercise (especially cardio), outside of two 20 minute weight training sessions a week -- for beginners. I don’t know if I believe that claim, but I’d be willing to abandon the elliptical machine. I would still swim though. Swimming makes me happy. Then later when funds and schedule permit, I could add a dance class. I figure the whole idea is worth a few weeks experiment.

As far as eating goes --

Breakfast: 2 egg omelet with spinach, tomato and smidge of goat cheese with chives and purple grapes.

Lunch: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie. I love these!

Snack: Cherries and spoonful of goat cheese.

Dinner: Tilapia with an orange miso sauce, mango coconut rice, honeydew and cantaloupe, and edamame. I had seconds, not because I was hungry but because I allowed myself to get stressed out by the zoo that is preparing dinner with 6 crazy sidekicks running around.

Treat: 2 pieces of dark chocolate. This is in lieu of the giant brownie sundae I really wanted. So that’s progress!

Monday Morning Weigh-In

2010-06-21T20:43:00.000-06:00

Two Thursdays ago: 295.2 lbs.

This Monday: 290.6 lbs.

Difference: -4.6 lbs.

I'm back on the wagon. Today I did well both with diet and exercise. Hallelujah! One day on the wagon is one day on the wagon!

I did a half hour on the elliptical machine. My MP3 player hasn't shown up yet; hopefully, it'll be here soon, soon, soon. I tried something different with musical motivation. I hit REPEAT on a really upbeat Chris Isaak song. Because the music was a little quicker, I was able to "run" a little more mileage today. So that's a win!

Brunch: Chocolate, peanut butter, banana smoothie made with bananas, goat milk, peanut butter and cocoa. Hit the spot.

Snack: Bing cherries. Juicy and sweet with just a hint of tart. The best fruit of summer.

Dinner: Fake chicken stuffed with black beans and corn in a red sauce. I ate 3 bites. Savory rice with chanterelle mushrooms and toasted pinenuts -- very good stuff. Green salad with vinegar/olive oil dressing. Cranberry sauce was also on the table, but I passed. The fake chicken was an experiment; it's a long story. Let's just say I'm never buying that product again.

Treat: Two squares of dark chocolate with cacao nibs from Endangered Species. Sweetened with beet sugar and has crunchy little dark chocolate toasties or whatever-they're-called.

I'm feeling good. I talked with My Hero this morning about my goals and ways to achieve them. He was supportive and caring. For the first time in a while, I'm feeling hopeful.

Feeling Sorry for Oneself Is Not an Existential Crisis

2010-06-19T22:31:00.000-06:00

I went to the gym this morning. Prince and I slogged out another half hour on the elliptical. Why do I bother with the elliptical when I clearly love swimming so much more? Because all the sidekicks are in the Activity Center, I feel more accessible to them -- in the gym rather than the pool -- if there's an issue, be it temper tantrum, diaper change, or whatnot. Plus, when I was pregnant with sidekick-3, I gained 2 pounds during the pregnancy by working out on the elliptical. Also, the elliptical is not nearly as evil as the treadmill.

Now on to address the self pity party:

I didn't struggle with eating today. A struggle implies that two sides were fighting against each other. I totally gave in; no struggle at all. Jack Sh*t said something interesting the other day:
"... a lot of the folks who follow my blog ... want to lose weight and become more fit, but for some reason can't find in within themselves to take the necessary steps to achieve the success they claim they want. I guess it's easier to just wish things would get better than to get busy and change things ourselves."
I can't find it within myself to take the necessary steps to achieve the success I claim I want. I'm just wishing things would get better than getting busy and changing things myself.

Truth hurts, doesn't it.

I'm glad that I've exercised, but frankly, I'm a little discouraged as well. Hey, isn't exercise supposed to give you more energy. That hasn't been happening. After the gym and the sidekicks pool time, I was so exhausted that I crashed for at least 2 hours this afternoon -- the kind of crashed where you wake up and have to remind yourself what planet you're on. The fatigue is definitely due to the pregnancy. I'm hoping that this tired phase passes soon.

Nope, the pity party didn't work. I'm still moping rather than hoping. Buona sera, mi amici.

Hungry, Hungry Hippo

2010-06-18T23:12:00.000-06:00

So today, I messed up food wise. I had the equivalent of 2 breakfasts and 3 lunches. Sure, I could blame it all on the pregnancy, but that excuse isn't going to fly. I ate past the point of fullness. Several times.

Yes, there was some personal stress going on. Who doesn't like going to traffic court to pay a $609 ticket because one was a scaredy-cat bonehead who didn't register her vehicle in state ASAP? Luckily, that whole mess turned out a lot better than it should have and at one-quarter the price. But not before I ate through all my feelings. Okay, so this is just a marker about an area where I need to do some emotional work, right? Right.

The food battle was lost today. But on the exercise front, all's well. I dragged myself to the pool tonight, thinking "What's the point?" Despite my discouragement, I started my laps. Man, oh man!!! I really love swimming. Another side of me just wakes up and starts to dance inside my head when I swim. Plus, because it was Friday night, the pool was virtually empty. The sun was setting and the moon was rising. The light was fantastic and I was in the water. All was right with the world.

I did 42 lengths (21 laps), but I took my time and played around with some of the slower strokes that I normally don't do. I usually swim the crawl and the backstroke because they're fast and get the job done. Tonight, I threw in the breast stroke, the back T stroke, just-plain-ole-kicking, and I even dusted off my lifeguard crawl (you keep your head out of the water so that you can watch the drowning person). And......... I floated. Floated on my back and watched the sky. Incredibly satsifying!

Tomorrow's another day. I'll have another chance tomorrow!

Open Ended Question

2010-06-17T21:30:00.000-06:00

Cher and I kicked it again at the YMCA. Hmmm.... Maybe I should get an album of the Village People -- I'm at the Y so often. Har dee har har. Anyways. Another 30 minutes down on the elliptical. I'm hoping to get to the point where I can ante up the time to 40 or 45 minutes without thinking that I'll fall on my head as soon as I step off the contraption.

I'd like to think that I'm a little closer to being fully back on the wagon, but my grasp seems tenuous at best. I'm trying to make the smart decisions and hold on, but my psyche is a little shaky. It almost feels like one wrong move and I'm back on the weight bender. It's like I haven't fully re-committed myself yet. Why is that? How do I get committed?

What has helped you the most in committing yourself to this journey?

Writing goals down? Talking/planning with family and friends? Reading fat loss books?

How do you connect with your desire to get fit?

Swimming with Sharks

2010-06-16T20:16:00.002-06:00

I had the hardest time motivating myself to go to the gym and hop on the elliptical. I just couldn't convince myself to do it. Then, after a little nap this afternoon (thank goodness for My Hero's day off), I decided to swim instead.

I ROCKED THE POOL!!!! I SWAM 40 LENGTHS WHICH IS 20 LAPS!!!! The pool I swim at is 25 yards in length. I swam 1000 yards -- 10 football fields back to back -- or 0.56 MILES!!!!

So what if I had Hawaiian BBQ curry chicken for lunch? With a chocolate smoothie chaser? I'm feelin' good!

Ya Sure, I Did It!

2010-06-15T18:44:00.000-06:00

Another day, another entry.

Today, the elliptical machine kicked my trash. But I did it. I sweat it out. Creedence Clearwater Revival did not help keep the beat. I really shouldn't blame them; I was fatigued. But yesterday, Cher and I rocked the joint. I'm thinking that Cher needs a repeat performance tomorrow.

My new handy-dandy (incredibly inexpensive) MP3 player is on it's way right now. Straight from Amazon to me. And then, a little Survivor, a little Rihanna, a little Green Day, a little Lady Gaga, a little of The Killers..... heck, even a little Kelly Clarkson will help keep the beat.

Also, another day down for clean eating. So here's to making the daily, hourly, minutely choices.

One Step Forward / Two Steps Back / Nobody Gets Too Far Like That

2010-06-14T21:09:00.001-06:00

Thursday, did well.

Friday, did well -- at least all the way until the end of the day when I was taken down by My Hero and sidekick-1 (who happens to be a Cub Scout). Tell me how I'm supposed to resist Ghiradelli brownies in my own house especially when my family doesn't have the courtesy to polish them off the first day? My Hero and sidekick-1 were ~~colluding~~ working on a Cub Scout goal to make a tasty treat. Unbeknownst to me, they chose GHIRADELLI CHOCOLATE BROWNIES WITH WALNUTS at the store. And I resisted them the first day. I did not, however, resist them the second day.

One step forward and two steps back
Nobody gets too far like that
One step forward and two steps back
This kind of dance can never last

Saturday, one step back.

Sunday, one step back.

Monday, one step forward. I did well today. I went to the gym and punched out a half an hour on the elliptical and then polished that off with 5 laps in the pool. Here's to hoping that I can maintain stepping forward and refrain from taking 2 steps back.

Whoops, I Did It Again!

2010-06-11T14:49:00.002-06:00

I took another step today.

I exercised on the elliptical for a half hour. Yesterday, I listened to Chris Isaak. Today, I listened to Elvis Presley.

And I'm on day 2 of eating clean again. Baby steps, right?

One Small Step Back on the Path Toward Being Physicallee Fit

2010-06-10T12:32:00.000-06:00

I've been depressed. I've had mood swings. I've succumbed to horrible feelings. Today, I took a small step back onto the path of being Physicallee Fit.

I weighed this morning, 295.2 lbs. The only real good reason to feel happy about that is that I'm still under 300 lbs.

Today, I went to the gym. I worked out on the elliptical for 30 minutes. I sweat and I finished.

Dark Night of the Soul

2010-05-15T21:19:00.002-06:00

I’m struggling right now. My prior “modus operandi” has been to snap myself out of a funk by focusing on the positive. Usually that solution worked. Today, however, not so much. I’m really struggling internally as a person. What do I want from life? How am I doing so far? Where am I going? Why do I keep beating myself up over and over and over again?

It’s like I have a self loathing cycle set on repeat. Do well. Make a small error. Blame self with excessive guilt. Build up vicious lather of hatred directed inward. Clear mind by pushing guilt, blame and self disgust down into the pit of my stomach. Sleep on the clear mind. Try again. Do well. Make a small error. …. Well, you get the idea.

I haven’t yet figured out how to cleanse myself from guilt, shame and self hatred. Each new attempt to wipe the slate clean seems complete at the time. And yet, every time the shame monster rears its ugly head, it catches me off guard. Now that I’m typing this out, it occurs to me that this could simply be an effect of the Holosync meditation (as the technology helps your brain to reorganize, sometimes nasty stuff – old habits or preconceptions – fall out) or this particular brand of discouragement could be pregnancy hormones (I don’t fancy that explanation. Yes, it happens sometimes, but I’m in control of my thoughts. And did you know that scientifically, thought precedes emotions? Our emotions are consequences of our thoughts, not the other way around).

Pausing in my shame spiral long enough to evaluate possible sources brings me back to Rational Land -- enough to wonder whether I’m really such a horrible person after all. If I were such a horrible person, why would others keep trying to help me? Why would My Hero be so supportive and loving even in the middle of my despair? My logical brain decides that -- I must be of some value. I must be of some worth. I must be of some importance. I am of worth.

The seed of hope is small and looks to be of no consequence. But, perhaps, perhaps, a small, inconsequential seed is all you need for something like self love and self worth to grow. A seed.

Nectar of the Gods?

2010-05-14T21:22:00.008-06:00

I haven’t had any white sugar since Easter. Yay! Yesterday, I had a treat – a root beer sweetened with evaporated cane juice. Halfway through the bottle, I got a headache. What the heck! Apparently, my body is recalibrating itself. This recalibration means no more sugarcane products. Looks like my happy sweeteners are going to be:

Honey
Maple syrup
Agave nectar
Stevia
Fructose
Fruit juice

It’s a good thing that there are still some good sodas out there. Izze and Reed’s and Switch.

Izze's are sweetened with fruit juice.

Reed's Premium Ginger Ale is sweetened with honey and pineapple juice.

Switch is sweetened with fruit juice.

What's your favorite beverage treat?

Manufactured Cankles

2010-05-13T20:41:00.006-06:00

So guess what happens to the pregnant lady when she only drinks one quart of water instead of the two quarts of water that her body is used to consuming?

If you guessed:

A. Nothing

You’re wrong!

If you guessed:

B. Sunshine and lollipops spring up from the ground where she walks.

You’re wrong!

If you guessed:

C. Her ankles double in size and her calves feel so tight you could bounce a quarter off of them.

You’re right! Yay for you! Okay, okay, I’m being a little melodramatic. But Holy Cow, Batman! Yes, I’ll be drinking my half gallon of water every day from now on only so this never happens again. I’m certain my lower legs will return to their normal size tomorrow after the consumption of copious amounts of water; otherwise, I’d be worried.

Ah, the joys of pregnancy!

My Inner Athlete

2010-05-12T22:34:00.001-06:00

These are the song lyrics in my brain today (from Christina Aguilera's "Fighter"):

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

I am strong. I am powerful. I am an athlete.

I felt like an athlete this morning. I conquered a big mental block and dragged myself to the pool. I told myself that I didn’t have to work hard -- that I just had to go do it. When I got there and I started my laps, my inner athlete took over and I knocked out 30 lengths in 20 minutes. Plus, just to prove to myself that I could, I swam the last 4 lengths the fastest I could push myself.

So for the rest of the day, I’m singing to myself:

'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Ballet, Future Exercise, and Sidenotes

2010-05-11T18:05:00.004-06:00

One reason I want to be thin is ….

To be a ballerina. Or to be more precise, to take lots of ballet classes to develop form and grace. After all, why wouldn’t I want to be able to do this?

Before anyone gets bent out of shape about how I could take ballet classes now when I’m plus-plus-size, I’m planning on it. Pregnancy and ballet don’t exactly walk hand in hand. After our sweet sidekick-7 comes, I hope to take an adult ballet class once a week on Monday nights (provided the stars align and I can carve out the time – I’m keeping my fingers crossed – who knew life would be this busy with 6 and ½ sidekicks?).

I want to be fit through ballroom dance, yoga, ballet and swimming instead of running and stairmasters and treadmills. Until I can afford it and while I'm pregnant, I'll satisfy my exercise needs with swimming.

Sidenote: I did 30 lengths, or 15 laps, yesterday in 22 minutes. It’s my new personal record. I felt strong and powerful when I sliced through the water with cupped hands and straining shoulders. One thing I noticed about my swim session today was that I wasn’t as exhausted as I have been before. That has to indicate progress, right?

Second sidenote: I forgot to pack my lunch for the busy mom errands. The gas station I went to for gas didn’t have Larabars so I had a Clif Bar instead. Technically, it didn’t have any of my contraband items, but it was full of heavily processed soy and it tasted like junk.

Mental note to self:

Stash at least one Larabar in my purse at all times.

Second mental note to self:

Pack your lunch before you lay down for a 20 minute catnap so it’ll be ready to go.

Monday Morning Weigh-In

2010-05-10T08:57:00.000-06:00

Last Monday: 286.0 lbs.

This Monday: 286.2 lbs.
Difference: +0.2 lbs.

I knew it wasn't going to be a loss; I skipped a few too many swim sessions and I ditched drinking the water a couple of days. All in all, a 0.2 lb. gain is all right with me under those circumstances. Despite temptation (lots and lots of temptation), I'm still true to my cleaner eating goals. It's been a month and almost one week since I've had any sugar or any cow milk. A few times I escaped temptation by reminding myself how cruddy I would feel -- how depressed the sugar would make me or how congested the cow dairy would make me.

I'm feeling confident about my food eating choices. I've renewed my water-drinking and exercising goals. On a side note, I think I'm going to put C25K on pause for a while. I love swimming and it's a lot easier to motivate myself to go to the pool than to go ~~plod~~ jog along side of the fields next to my house.

It's the start of a great week, folks. And as Kelly with KellyisLosingWeight always says, "Let's all make good choices."

The Best Mom I Can Be

2010-05-09T20:34:00.006-06:00

To be the best mom I can be is to teach my children by example to:

Pray often
Serve others
Read the scriptures
Attend church
Believe in Christ
Follow the inspiration of the Holy Spirit

And also to:

Eat healthy food in moderation
Lead physically active lives

Happy Mother's Day!

What the Heck is an Aff-O-rmation?

2010-05-08T16:54:00.004-06:00

I read this article about a year or so ago. I thought it was really significant at the time; I still do. So I'm sharing it with you. Like I said before, I use Holosync as my daily meditation -- I used this idea for afformations for my personal meditation CDs.

This is a long one, folks. Buckle up. (The picture is not from the article. Including it in this post is my own idea!)

"Change your thoughts and you change your world." Norman Vincent Peale

The Afformations Method

By Noah St. John

Traditional success teachers are big advocates of "affirmations" - repeating statements that you'd like to be true. For example, a classic "affirmation" is: "I am rich."

Okay. Try it. Say "I am rich."

What just happened? Did you hear a voice in your head that said: "Yeah, right!"?

The problem with "affirmations" is that they don't work for most people. Why? Because you're trying to convince yourself of something you don't really believe.

Have you ever been persuaded to try "affirmations"... and then had... absolutely nothing happen?

Me too. And about a billion other people.

One morning in April 1997, I was taking a shower and thinking about how the human mind is always in the process of asking and seeking the answers to questions. For example, if I were to ask you "Why is the sky blue?", your mind would start searching for the answer.

So I asked myself a logical question: "If the human mind is always asking and searching for the answers to questions, why are we told to repeat positive statements we don't believe? Instead, why don't we ask ourselves empowering questions - questions that will force us to change our thought patterns from negative to positive in order to answer them?"

Take a statement like "I am rich" - to which the brain replies "Yeah, right!" What's the empowering question you should be asking instead?

That question might look something like this: "Why am I so rich?"

Try it. Ask yourself "Why am I so rich?"

Do you know what your brain is doing right now? Searching for a positive answer to that question!

The staggering realization I made that morning in April 1997 was that you create your reality in two ways: by the statements you say to yourself and others, and by the questions you ask yourself and others. Until then, no one had fully realized, or shown how to harness, the awesome power of what happens when you change your questions.

I named my discovery The Afformations Method.

The 4 Steps to Creating Afformations That Change Your Life

Step 1: Ask yourself what you want.

You can use a goal you've previously written down, or start from scratch. You decide.

Please note that traditional success teachers stop right here. They tell you to "set your goals" and then say "affirmations" in an attempt to convince your brain that you will have what you want... sometime, somehow, somewhere.

Let's use Brandon from Utah as an example. He wanted to make more money doing something he loved. He was an insurance salesman who'd spent $30,000 on every "how to succeed" program out there, with no results. So for his goal, he wrote: "I want to be all I can be in life."

Now, the breakthrough step...

Step 2: Form a QUESTION which assumes that what you want is already true.

Forming a question which assumes that what you want is already true is the key to creating Afformations that change your life.

Your life is a reflection of the subconscious assumptions you make. That's why Step 2 of The Afformations Method is to change your communication with the world inside yourself. Afformations are the fastest, most effective way I've ever seen to immediately change your communication with the world inside of you AND the world outside of you.

So Brandon began afforming: "Why am I allowed to be, do, and have all that I want in life?"

Step 3: Give yourself to the question.

The point of Afformations is not to find "the answer" but to ask better questions. When you ask better questions, your mind automatically begins to focus on what you have as opposed to what you don't have.

Once Brandon began to afform what he wanted, his mind automatically began to search for the answer. He started doing things a little differently and talking to people with new confidence.

Which brings us to Step 4 of The Afformations Method - the one you MUST do to get optimum results...

Step 4: Take new ACTIONS based on your new assumptions about life.

Even though Brandon had spent thousands of dollars on every "how to succeed" program out there, he subconsciously assumed they wouldn't work for him. So they didn't.

After reading my book, he realized that this was what was keeping him from what he wanted. So he began to take new action on the very programs that had not worked for him.

He began calling more people. He followed up with more confidence. By focusing on what he had instead of what he lacked, positive results naturally followed.

Once Brandon followed the four steps of The Afformations Method, his sales tripled in 30 days. In less than nine months, his income increased 560 percent and he was named Agent of the Year.

The point of Afformations is not to find "the answer," but to change your questions. When you follow The Afformations Method, you will form empowering questions that immediately change your subconscious assumptions.

For example, Andrea had been trying to get pregnant for more than a year but had a huge mental block. She thought she didn't deserve it, her body couldn't do it, and so on. After her psychologist told her about Afformations, Andrea began asking herself "Why do I conceive so easily?" and "Why am I so fertile?" Within a month, she had a positive pregnancy test. Now she's asking herself, "Why do I carry my babies full term?", "Why am I free from morning sickness?", and all kinds of questions that are making her feel great during her pregnancy.

Omar, a car salesman, was selling one or two cars a month and making less than $600 in commissions. Then he started afforming "Why am I so successful at selling cars?" - and in just two days, he sold four new cars, three used ones, and made more than $1,800.

Judy, a 55-year-old grandmother from Texas, wanted to lose weight but told herself she was too old. In November 2008, she joined my Platinum Weight Loss Club. I recommended that she start asking Afformations like "Why do I lose weight so easily?" and "Why do I love eating healthy foods?" During the holidays, while most of America was gaining weight, Judy lost 24 pounds. And by February 2009, she was down over 30 pounds and feeling fantastic.

Can you see how this process must, by definition, change your life? Using Afformations, you can take conscious control of your subconscious thoughts - change the questions, change your results, and change your life!

The Rough, Winding, Grueling Road to Positive Thinking

2010-05-07T08:40:00.001-06:00

When I focus on the positive, it’s easier for me to try and eat better and exercise. Sometimes though, my negative attitude persists and a battle ensues. I struggle with the simplest of decisions. I struggle to eat the right portions. I struggle to be motivated to exercise. I struggle to accomplish my other weekly goals. ~~Then again, it could all just be pregnancy hormones~~. My mental choices are my own and I am responsible for them.

My personal goofy thing about being overweight is that I don’t have any health problems. I’ve always had great blood pressure; my blood sugar isn’t anywhere close to being pre-diabetic; I have no constant or intermittent pain. While a lot of people suffer from health problems due to obesity, that simply isn’t my experience. I’m a healthy fat person.

I’m fairly certain that if I persisted in obesity for another 10 years, I would be bound to have some medical complications. That’s not my primary reason for losing weight though. What is my primary reason then? I don’t want to look the way I look anymore. I don’t want to feel the way I feel anymore. I want to look different. I want to feel different. But I wonder.

Couldn’t I feel different now on my way to looking different? And how do I do that? How do I train myself to feel differently?

I just followed through with Jack Sh*t’s notecard challenge about one reason why I wanted to lose weight. I'm excited to see what he does with the project.

p.s. My Hero has lost weight too. My scale goes up to 330 lbs. He couldn’t use the scale when I first got it in 2009, but now he weighs 321 lbs. So yay us!!!

Would You Prefer the Sexy Salsa, the Romantic Rumba, or the Sassy Samba?

2010-05-04T20:40:00.001-06:00

One reason I want to be thin:

To learn to be a spicy and sexy Latin ballroom dancer. Why are you laughing? No, seriously, why are you laughing? Oh, just because I’m an ultra-tall klutz from the Southwest and that I pulled a stint as a Midwesterner in Nebraska and Iowa. You mean Latin ballroom dancers don’t normally have that kind of background? Well, that just goes to show you. I could be the next hot thing in the Latin ballroom arena. I could be like her:

Technically, I could start dancing now; however, I would feel ~~a lot~~ a little like the dancing hippos in “Fantasia”. Now, the dancing hippos in “Fantasia” were elegant and they were graceful, but I’m going for a slightly different genre (and look).

Truth time: I watch “Dancing with the Stars” every week, but I skip over most of the drama and simply watch the dancing. I love the show because it makes ballroom dancing seem accessible. I could start lessons now, but I would feel too self conscious. Yes, that’s a mental issue I need to work on, but I would feel more comfortable dancing in front of people if I were under 200 lbs. And when I am thin, I will dance.

Dancing is so romantic. Wouldn't you want to be able to move like this?

I would love to be able to move like that. I've lost myself in daydreams before where I was sashaying around the floor. More than a few times, I've imagined doing the tango. My Hero and I used to dance all the time as a young couple -- before marriage, before the sidekicks.

What fabulous new adventure do you want to embark on when you’re at or near goal weight?

Off topic - p.s. Did I mention that I was mistaken for a man today? That’s how much my “girlish” figure is being hidden by my current weight. Yes, I was wearing a long sleeve, button down man’s shirt. Yes, I was wearing a cowboy hat. The shirt and hat definitely aren’t pretty. I was wearing both those things to protect my skin from sun damage. The Southwest sun is brutal. I bought them because they fit and they did the job. Clothes in my size that cover my skin either aren’t available or they cost an arm and a leg. But I promised myself and My Hero that I would start paying attention to “style” when I hit 250 lbs. Hopefully, at that weight, I’ll have more choices.

Monday Morning Weigh-In

2010-05-03T07:57:00.003-06:00

Last Monday: 289.4 lbs.

This Monday: 286.0 lbs.

Difference: -3.4 lbs.

Back to where I was before plus a little more. YAY! I'm feeling good, feeling positive; the good news is that I was feeling good and feeling positive before I weighed myself this morning. These feelings of positivity and goodness are due to my right frame of mind and not contingent upon how much I weigh. That's a double YAY! Two hundred eighty pounds is just around the corner. It's looking good -- I can smell it, taste it, see it!

May you all have happy scale results and to all a good night!

Flexible like Gumby!

2010-05-02T19:51:00.005-06:00

One reason I want to be thin is ….

To be more flexible. Flexible like Gumby! Okay, maybe not flexible like Gumby. I want to do more yoga.

Every time I’ve done yoga in the past, it’s been a good experience – which isn’t to say that I’ve always enjoyed it. Sometimes the contortions spring a loaded emotional trap in my right hip and I start crying for no reason or sometimes that loaded emotional trap hasn’t been sprung yet and I can’t balance on my right leg. Other times, the poses tax every nerve and I’m fighting internally to keep from yelling and cussing at all the world. At the end of the session, though, I am always glad that I did it, that I pushed the envelope of my personal peace, that I sprung those loaded emotional traps. I feel more whole as a person after I do yoga.

Currently as a fat person, I can do yoga, but there are certain poses that I struggle with because of my size. It’s not an issue of flexibility (maybe it is); it’s that my thigh can’t be mushed any closer to my calve. For instance, the child’s pose is difficult for me at this weight because most of my weight is in my lower body.

Because of my pregnancy, I will be taking a yoga hiatus. During pregnancy, certain hormones are released that loosen your joints. This is done so that the woman’s body can adjust to being able to give birth. Doing yoga during this loose joint time can permanently overstretch the ligaments that hold the body together. This is what’s known as a bad thing. There are yoga practices that are developed for pregnant ladies, but on this issue, I'm a better-safe-than-sorry kind of a gal. Yoga is off the table until sometime next spring.

Once our new baby is here, and my hormones stop raging, I’ll be looking forward to developing my flexibility in yoga as I become Physicallee Fit.

And then I’ll be able to do this:

And this:

And after a lot of practice, I could do this:

Oh, the Places We'll Go....

2010-05-01T17:30:00.001-06:00

One reason I want to be thin is ….

To keep up with my sidekicks. Or rather do fun stuff with my sidekicks, like hiking, biking and camping. Who knows where we could explore? Who knows where we could journey next?

We could hike the Lost Dutchman’s Mine:

We could hike Bryce Canyon:

We could hike Zion National Park:

Heck, we could even hike the Grand Canyon:

We could go biking as a family:

We could go camping:

Now these are adventures to look forward to. These are adventures worth all the blood, sweat and tears to become Physicallee Fit. There are hiking adventures at the Lost Dutchman's Mine; there are biking adventures at Zion National Park; there are camping adventures at Bryce Canyon. Heck, at most of those places, we could hike, bike and camp all in one great adventure. Just think of that.

It's not "What NOT to Wear"; It's what to wear on Date Night!

2010-04-30T17:01:00.003-06:00

I said yesterday that I was struggling with feeling discouraged. And one reason was “how I can't even imagine what I would look like thin.....”

Da, da, da, DAAA!!! I have a solution.

From Whitney’s blog, Fat Girl in a Wedding Dress, I discovered the handy-dandy, ever-so-handy visualization tool by ThinnerView. You send them a digital picture of yourself and they alter it to show you what you would look like without 10, 50, or 100 lbs. They shave the weight off your face, your arms, your body. How cool is that?

For the fellas:

For the ladies:

I’m going to take a picture of myself all vamped up in a red dress with the hair and the makeup and everything. Then when I get the picture back, I’m going to Kinko’s/FedEx and print up the largest size picture I can of the new me; I’ll frame it and hang it in my room. I won’t even have to imagine what I would look like thin. I’ll be able to see myself thin!

One reason I want to be thin is ….

To wear sexy clothes on date night.

Every day I wear mom clothes. Mom clothes have to useful, durable and resistant to stains. It’s also helpful if they’re not expensive because even if they are useful, durable and resistant to stains, something will inevitably happen that requires the article of clothing to be chucked into the trash – not even in a bag to Goodwill (“it” ruined the article of clothing that much!).

Every Sunday I wear church clothes. Church clothes are generally simple and modest. They’re the upscale version of mom clothes. After all, I’m taking care of the sidekicks at church, too. Sidekick-6 has still been known to spit up on occasion and you don’t want that to happen on silk.

But date night clothes are a category unto themselves. I could wear a shirt like this, with pants like these, with shoes like these. Smokin', eh?

I could also wear a dress like this. But this dress is more my speed.

And wouldn't every jaw in the joint drop to the floor when my Amazing Amazon self walks in with 4 inch heels with the Bettie Page dress hugging every curve? I know I said I don't like the attention, but sometimes I do. What can I say? I'm a woman; I'm complex.

Is Discouragement really a sign of Fear?

2010-04-29T16:13:00.011-06:00

I've been avoiding my blog and the blogs of others. I'm still true to my food purity goals, but I haven't exercised or paid attention to portions because I've been so discouraged. How much weight there is to lose, how long it's going to take, how I can't even imagine what I would look like thin.....

The other night I was reading and I came across something that loosely correlated feeling discouraged with feeling afraid. I had an A-HA moment. It really struck me. Off and on my entire life, I've struggled with guilt, shame, and discouragment. I've struggled with being motivated to do those things that I know make me happy and feel good. What if my discouragement is simply a mask for fear? That speaks to me. I think that's true. Okay. Then what am I afraid of? I never finished watching "Akeelah and the Bee", but the first part has this great quote. Laurence Fishburne's character is quoting Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

Analyzing it, I can think of a few things I'm afraid of. One of them is the attention of other people. I already get a lot of attention. I'm a woman who is 6'1" tall. I wear a hat a lot because I live in the sunny southwest and I have fair skin and my grandmother had skin cancer. I have 6 children. People look at me a lot. Now before you say to yourself "What does it matter if people look at you?", imagine walking a mile in my shoes. Or imagine going to the grocery store. You walk in and everyone looks at you, either directly in your eyes, or double and triple takes as you walk by. You shop and every aisle you walk down, the woman pushing the cart loading up on a sale of canned stew looks at you, the older man browsing pork in the meat department looks at you. When you check out, the teenage bagger looks at you. If you have the slightest amount of insecurity, it can be unsettling. If you're having a fat day, it's downright unnerving. As in, it unnerves you. My nerve and resolve to make good choices are weakened; however, this weakening does not have to be a permanent condition.

I can be strong. Like I said before, “I don’t need to make myself that miserable anymore.” As a good friend told me once, "It's not a process; it's a choice." A choice is as simple or as difficult as I make it. I can choose to be discouraged, afraid, unsettled, unnerved, et cetera. Or I can choose to be resolved, committed, balanced, happy, peaceful, et cetera.

Moral of the story: Acknowledge that discouragement is actually a facade for fear. Identify the cause of the fear. Deal with it. Move on. After all, 'Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?'

Monday Morning Weigh-In a.k.a. Doom and Despair

2010-04-26T07:12:00.011-06:00

Last Monday: 287.8 lbs.
This Monday: 289.4 lbs.
Difference: +1.6 lbs.

This is what I said last week when I had lost only 1.4 lbs:

"I should feel happy; I lost weight. I'm a little disgruntled. O! that the weight would come off more quickly!"

Turns out eating too much and not exercising will cause you to gain weight. Go figure.

No snappy title #5

2010-04-25T19:34:00.002-06:00

Breakfast: Two orange wedges, puffed brown rice cereal with evaporated cane juice, raisins, and goat milk.

Snack: Three squares of dark chocolate (sweetened with beet sugar) dipped in natural peanut butter. A short, relatively painless, satisfying of the urge to eat everything in sight. Sunday mornings stress me out.

Lunch/Dinner: Too much bacon with one-quarter whole wheat Belgian waffle with goat milk butter, maple syrup and my-new-favorite, Cultured Coconut Milk Yogurt. It’s tangy and sweet.

The thing that I’ve been noticing is that I’ve been spending so much time thinking and trying to follow through with being Physicallee Fit that I’ve ignored development in other areas of my life. What is the point of being a thin person if I’m not a good person? I use Holosync meditation every day, but I wanted to kick it up a notch. I’m going to start working on some spiritual goals too.

Today marks 21 days that I have not had any refined, white sugar or any cow milk. I can sense how my body would react if I chose to eat that stuff now. I would feel so sick and crummy and depressed and congested and sad. I'm glad that I've made these food choices. The goofy thing is ..... it's been 4 days since I exercised and I'm fighting the blues. I wonder if the two are related.

What a Whirlwind !!!

2010-04-24T22:06:00.001-06:00

The past two days have a been a whirlwind of family. My Hero and I and all our sidekicks saw 4 great grand-parents, 4 grandparents, 1 great aunt, 7 aunts and uncles, and 8 cousins. Whoo weee!!! I think I'm a little visited out.

The affect all this visiting has had on my lifestyle changes has been kind of a wash. I haven't exercised a lick in three days, but I managed to avoid the foods that would make me feel unwell. My portions weren't always the greatest, but I didn't have any sugar (guaranteed to make me feel depressed) and I didn't have any cow milk (guaranteed to make me feel congested). So despite the occasional temptation, I feel pretty good about my choices. Especially since lunch today was so yummy and filling: homemade bread with homemade goat cheese with smoked oysters and big, purple, luscious globe grapes for dessert.

I also feel empowered that these are realistic lifestyle changes. I can avoid those foods that make me feel crummy, and I can avoid them while not sticking out like a sore thumb or a sore loser. Tomorrow, I'm back in the saddle again with portions. Monday, I'm back on the horse with exercising. I'm feeling good and ain't life grand?

Becoming Physicallee Fit while expecting the Stork

2010-04-22T20:01:00.003-06:00

My Hero and I are expecting sidekick-7 this winter. We are so glad to welcome him/her to the family. And believe it or not, this will not put too much of a crimp into my plans in becoming Physicallee Fit.

When I was pregnant with sidekick-3, I had just lost 20 lbs and was 280 lbs. I didn’t want to undo all the work I’d done to lose the 20 lbs. I decided to do something about it. I didn’t change my eating habits (which were pretty bad at the time), but I worked out 45 minutes a day for 5 days a week on an elliptical machine. I ended up gaining only 2 lbs. during the pregnancy and those two pounds came on in the very last month where the little baby grows just so fast. Then sidekick-3 was born and instantly I was 265 lbs. Presto change-o! Instant weight loss.

We feel very blessed. I feel confident that I can still make great progress losing fat while pregnant. Here comes the adventure!

And for those concerned about the safety about our anticipated sidekick-7:

It's Safe for Obese Moms-to-Be to Lose Weight During Pregnancy

Obese Women Should Not Gain Weight During Pregnancy, Study Suggests

No snappy title #4

2010-04-22T07:47:00.002-06:00

Yesterday’s food intake –

Breakfast: Busy-Mom-Meal of Larabar Key Lime Pie

Lunch: Spicy crab sushi

Dinner: 2 gingersnaps, cold Beef stroganoff sauce without noodles, Cashew Cookie Larabar. Obviously it was not a well planned meal. Last night was one of those goofy nights. The sidekicks had lunchables in the car in the parking lot. After all, the Pinewood Derby only comes around once a year.

I was all set and ready last night to do the last workout on C25K, but I was sleepy and tired. Instead, I opted for rest. I went to bed last night at 8:30 p.m. This was my thought pattern:

Q: Which would I rather do, run the C25K or eat pizza and ice cream?
A: Duh, pizza and ice cream.
Q: Which would I rather do, eat pizza and ice cream or go to bed?
A: I’d rather go to sleep.

Huh! Well, that’s new. I’m going to listen to my body and head off to sleep.

Being Balanced and Big

2010-04-21T08:31:00.003-06:00

Yesterday’s food intake –

During the day, I had water and grape fruit juice. After swimming in the evening, I had:

• Handful of chips
• ½ size Larabar – Apple Pie
• two gingersnaps
• ½ pizza – Amy’s Roasted Vegetable Pizza (No cheese). This isn't as bad as it sounds. One serving is 1/3 of the pizza.
• 2/3 cup gelato

It wasn't a binge; my stomach wasn't stuffed beyond capacity. It was just more than I wanted to eat. I know that life is part of a balance. I’m not getting my food intake balanced. I feel positive that I’ve been able to stay away from those foods I know hurt my body, like white sugar and cow milk. I feel negative about not eating enough vegetables or eating too much.

Yesterday, The Anti-Jared talked about being Big. Big has always had a different meaning for me. I'm 6'1" (tall for a person, super tall for a woman). Several years ago I was 40 lbs. lighter than I am now. I was walking through a store one day with a friend who is very attractive (blonde hair, hazel eyes, petite, curvy figure - you know, a model type). After a while, she said, 'Everyone is looking at you.' At first, I didn't know what she meant. Then I understood. I didn't realize it because I'd gotten so used to it. I like to tell myself that I'm not a circus freak; at the most, I'm a curiosity. Then as I put on more and more weight, I began to disappear. Part of me really relishes the anonymity of being able to walk through a store without everyone staring. Is that the reason I haven’t been balanced in my eating?

Exercise --

I had to mentally DRAG myself to the pool. I created all sorts of reasons why I couldn't go. Eventually I decided that I would go to help establish the habit. I said to myself, "You don't have to work that hard. You just have to go." So I did. And it turns out that I worked hard after all. I swam for 25 minutes, 10 laps of the backstroke, 1 lap of the crawl, and 1 lap of the breaststroke. Seeing that magnificent sky with airy clouds is so surreal and breathtaking. I only see it at the beginning. By the middle, my goggles are fogged up and I'm working hard to breathe and so I don't pay attention. It sure is breathtaking at the beginning though.

Fatty Foods Can Make You Feel Yucky? Hmmmm......

2010-04-19T23:05:00.001-06:00

Today’s Food Intake –

Goofy breakfast: Strawberries and shredded pork with onions and bell peppers. I was so full by the time I finished the pork, I gave half the strawberries to sidekick-6. I didn't finish my small plate portion. My body started to feel a little yucky from the pork’s fatty juices. I can’t remember the last time that this has happened. I need to start choosing my meals more carefully. More veggies, less of the other stuff (I was about to type “less fats”, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it – baby steps, baby steps!!).

Lunch: Mouthful of shredded pork and a wedge of homemade bread schmeared with homemade goat cheese.

Dinner: We’re having company for dinner. Beef stroganoff (made with goat milk yogurt – it’s light and fresh tasting) and egg noodles, asparagus, tossed salad, and sourdough baguette. Chocolate chip cookies for dessert. I’ll pass on the baguette and the cookies. I’m going to have a large plate (to blend in, you know!), but I’ll try to keep the portions small.

Time elapsed….

Yeah, that plan didn’t work so well. I had two thick slices of the baguette dipped in the stroganoff. And then I wanted more. So to stop myself, I ate a little something sweet -- about 1/8 cup of my new favorite frozen treat, Cherry Chocolate Raw Agave Gelato by Organic Nectars. I found it at Whole Foods. I was able to get 20% off the price because My Hero works at Whole Foods. It’s still spendy though. But oh-mi-gosh, oh-so-yummy! The sweetness calmed my desire to gnosh on the chocolate chip cookies. It’s going to be my new pamper-myself-at-the-end-of-the-day treat.

I fictitiously blame my desire to keep eating stroganoff on My Hero. Oh, didn’t I tell you? He’s a certified chef. The stroganoff was seriously good. I know that he was doing that to please our dinner guests and not tempt my palate because he has been so supportive of my lifestyle change. In fact, he said that he would do C25K with me. How’s that for support? (In fact, he's just left to go jalking/wogging/jogging-walking.)

Today’s exercise is Week 1, Workout 2 of C25K.

I borrowed My Hero’s fancy phone and downloaded some up tunes including “Eye of the Tiger”.

It’s the eye of tiger
It’s the thrill of the fight
Risin’ up to the challenge of our rival

It was definitely better tonight. It was easier for me to maintain the jogging and I could go for slightly longer distances without my lungs coming out of my chest. I’ve been home for 15 minutes, caught my breath and I FEEL GREAT! Who knew exercise could make you feel this good?

p.s. My body is really rebelling from over-eating tonight (and yes, it started to rebel before C25K). I wouldn’t call my dinner a binge, but I did eat past fullness. I’m going to take an intermittent fasting day tomorrow.

Monday Morning Weigh-In

2010-04-19T07:30:00.000-06:00

Last Monday: 289.2 lbs.

This Monday: 287.8 lbs.

Difference: -1.4 lbs.

I should feel happy; I lost weight. I'm a little disgruntled. O! that the weight would come off more quickly! Ah well. Maybe I'll stop weighing myself everyday. Yeah, that's not going to happen.

I hope to be at 280 lbs. by May 10th.

I won't quit until I'm a star on Broadway!

2010-04-18T22:00:00.000-06:00

Today’s Food Intake –

Breakfast: Water, Emergen-C and grape juice.

Late lunch/early dinner: Two pieces of bacon and one quarter Belgian waffle with goat milk butter, maple syrup and bananas (scrumptious!). I used the small plate technique again because I knew it would taste so good that I would want to eat beyond fullness. I ate my late lunch and then waited 15 minutes; lo and behold, I was full.

Later after dinner, I was really struggling with wanting to eat, eat, eat. I wanted to eat macaroons, gingersnaps dipped in peanut butter, chocolate dipped in peanut butter, another round of waffles, anything, everything, etc. I gutted it out and just drank water. I'm trying to source the root of my emotional aggravation and am coming up with residual stress from the morning and disorganized stress from miscellaneous papers. There’s something else there, but I don’t know what it is and trying to analyze it further is making me frustrated. I'm going to set it on the back burner, finish up here, get ready for bed and sleep on it. Everything, for me, has always tended to be clearer in the morning.

The sun will come out tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow
There'll be sun
...
Just stick up your chin and grin and say
The sun will come out tomorrow

I'm also a little anxious about my weight loss plans. I feel like I'm creating my lifestyle changes without a guide. Reading other people's blogs has provided tons of good ideas, but I feel like I'm still missing something. Does anyone have any advice on setting or structuring goals, ideas that work, or plans that have been really helpful for them?

No snappy title #3

2010-04-17T22:24:00.000-06:00

Today’s Food Intake –

Breakfast: Busy-Mom-Meal Coconut Cream Pie Larabar. Wow! This was yummy!

Lunch: Wedge of homemade bread with a schmear of homemade goat milk cheese, and purple grapes. It definitely hit the spot. I wanted to eat and eat. I decided to stop when my small plate was almost empty. I’ll see in 15 minutes if I’m full or not. (TIME ELAPSE: and 15 minutes later, I’m full!)

Dinner: Wheat tortilla and shredded pork with onions and bell peppers. Several swigs of Reed’s ginger ale, swig of grape juice.

Exercise: I heard about C25K from Jack Sh*t, Gettin Fit’s blog. I remember in junior high we were supposed to run a timed mile in P.E. I think my time was around 11:30. I’m pretty sure that I started the mile jogging; I’m also pretty sure that I ended the mile walking. I remember being jealous of the athletes in my P.E. class who could run a 5 minute mile. How is that even possible? Can you tell I’m not a runner?

But….

What if I could be a runner? What if it was only for 9 weeks? And at the end I ran a 5K? Tonight, I begin my trek into the running world. I don’t have fancy shoes or fancy clothes or radio/discman/ipod. In fact, I’m going to borrow sidekick-1’s watch so I can keep track of the time. First, I’m going to stretch and then these are my instructions:

“Brisk five-minute warmup walk.

Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and

90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.”

I don’t think that I’ll need to be carried home on a stretcher. I’m actually really surprised at how well my body is handling the laps from yesterday. I know that I burned all my energy swimming because I could feel it. Today, there’s a little stiffness in my neck and soreness in my arms, but otherwise, I’m good to go. I’m becoming PHYSICALLEE FIT!!! And tonight, I’m going to run like the wind! In my mind, I’ll be working really hard to “run like the wind”.

later that night .....

SUCCESS!!!! Yes, it kicked my trash and I was way out of my comfort zone, but I did it!

C25K Completion Chart

p.s. I’m considering something that I read on Ex Hot Girl’s blog called Eat Stop Eat by Brad Pilon. It’s a variation on a theme of intermittent fasting. For a while, I’ve been interested in a book by Arnold Ehret called “Mucusless Diet Healing System”. More to come on this topic at a later date.

SUCCESS!!! I did it! YAY!!!

2010-04-17T08:44:00.000-06:00

I walked 1.5 miles and swam 20 minutes – 20 lengths or 10 laps of the backstroke and 4 lengths or two laps of the breaststroke.

Cons:

• I think I swallowed all my daily water requirements while in the pool.

• I scraped my hand on the side of the pool.

Pros:

• I feel like a rock star for exercising.

• The pool is outdoors so I got to look at the wide open sky while swimming. Magnificent.

• I *feel* long and lean while doing the backstroke.

• I DID IT!!! Yee-ha!!!

Yesterday’s Food Intake --

Breakfast: Wedge of homemade bread schmeared with homemade goat cheese, half of an orange and a small glass of grape juice.

Lunch: Busy-Mom-Meal, Chocolate Hazelnut Lara Bar – Jocalat bar and a Metromint water.

Dinner: Picnic time! Ham and cheese sandwich with tomato and lettuce, grapes, a Reed’s premium ginger ale, and a few gingersnaps.

Ta-Da! and Misfortune

2010-04-15T21:49:00.000-06:00

These are the old pants. They were tight at 325 lbs.

These are the new pants. They fit well at 290 lbs. I’ll go shopping for a new pair of pants in another 30 to 35 lbs.

Breakfast: I tried to eat a bowl of blueberries drizzled with maple syrup and with a splash of goat milk. It was a no go. My throat, while not painful, wasn’t interested in solid food (and I wasn’t hungry). I didn’t have my treat last night because I wasn’t hungry. If I had to guess, I’d guess that my body is slowing starting to slough off some of the congestion I generally get when I drink cow milk.

Mid morning snack: I got hungry! Half an orange. Handful of Mi-Del gingersnaps dipped in natural peanut butter. Swig of goat milk.

*** PAUSE ***

Deet, da-deet, deet, deet.

*** PAUSE ***

Deet, da-deet, deet, deet.

*** PAUSE ***

We now have a break from our regularly scheduled program. News alert!!

And then a little later: Oh wow, did I get hungry! I had a cherry pie Lara Bar with a macaroon chaser, another round of gingersnaps with peanut butter, and a trio of gingersnaps with goat milk. And to finish it all, three small plates of pork. I’m unpleasantly stuffed.

I allowed some life frustration to get to me this afternoon. I eat when I’m stressed out. It’s like a narcotic. I get stressed. I eat and even in the very act of chewing, I feel a wave of anesthesia moving over me. My emotions are numb to everything. I stop paying attention to what I’m eating or even whether or not I’m full. ‘Course then, later, the anesthesia wears off and I’m in a world of regret, shame and guilt – that downward spiral, that vortex that sucks any hope right out of me. I swim aimlessly through my own guilt and self recriminations. I am the stubborn child who refuses the good thing if only to make myself a martyr. And in the midst of that sullenness, I considered fibbing about my food intake on the blog; worse, I considered deleting it altogether.

But then I stopped. I got up and came to the computer to write. I sat and I tried to analyze why I was analyzing in the computer chair instead of mentally beating myself up sitting on the couch. Why had I reacted differently to this (call-a-spade-a-spade) binge? The most accurate description for my change of heart could be described, “I don’t need to make myself that miserable anymore.”

I don’t need to make myself that miserable anymore. I am worth something. And that, folks, is enough to give me hope for tomorrow.

No snappy title #2

2010-04-14T21:04:00.000-06:00

Today’s Food Intake --

Breakfast: My throat was feeling a little sketchy. I had a soothing herbal tea by Teavana with honey. I used to drink Celestial Seasonings until I tried Teavana. The difference between the two is the same difference between drinking garbage water and drinking ambrosia.

Mid-morning breakfast: Grape-Nuts with goat milk.

Lunch: Mongolian barbecue grill. Pork, spinach, onions, mushrooms, tomato, bean sprouts, rice noodles, curry, ginger, garlic and sesame oil with a little bowl of brown rice. Outstanding meal! It was so deliciously yummy!

Dinner: Because of the big lunch and the throat still feeling a little sketchy, I decided on an herbal tea dinner with a side of Emergen-C.

Tomorrow, I post comparison pictures of the old pants vs. the new pants. Yay for new pants! Yay for a new swim suit! AND …. yay for new sweat pants! Also, yay for me! Today is day 10 of my new eating lifestyle. I'm feeling positive and motivated.

Pop Quiz, Hotshot!

2010-04-13T20:17:00.000-06:00

What is the only large animal that does not produce its own vitamin C? The human being. Lions, tigers and bears make their own vitamin C. So does the hippopotamus, the giraffe and the humpback whale. Without vitamin C, your body will crumble, decay, develop scurvy and then you die. Dramatic, no?

The FDA’s RDA (recommended daily allowance) for vitamin C (60 mg or 75 mg depending on the source) is just enough to prevent scurvy. Since when does the government know what they're doing or get something right? Ignore the government. Take LOTS and LOTS of vitamin C.

Vitamin C is fantastic stuff. It can reverse aging. It can help prevent strokes. It can help with heart disease. It can help with bone loss. I take my vitamin C from Emergen-C by Alacer. I like Super Orange. A friend of mine used to add it to her orange-flavored diet soda. You could also add it to orange juice or just plain water.

If you don't take my word for it ….

Why Animals Don’t Get Heart Attacks, But People Do!

Use Vitamin C to Reverse Disease

C for Yourself

And a little out there …. Can Humans Live Longer?: The Missing Anti-Aging Hormone

Today's Food Intake --

Breakfast: Busy-Mom-Breakfast – the one, the only, patented chocolate, peanut butter, banana, goat milk smoothie sweetened with evaporated cane juice. I use a non alkaline cocoa powder and natural peanut butter. It’s creamy and rich and totally yummy!

Lunch: The smoothie was so filling that I wasn’t hungry at lunch. Chug of grape juice and a glass of water.

Dinner: Leftover night. Two fried eggs with marinara sauce and Spanish rice. Have you ever tried eggs with marinara sauce? Creamy and indulgent. Sometimes leftovers really hit the spot. I used that small plate trick again. Tonight, the small plate helped me remember to slow down and savor my dinner.

Dessert: The yummiest macaroons on earth – Jennie’s Macaroons. A whopping three ingredients: coconut, honey, egg whites. The website is so silly. They’re touting all the health benefits of coconut. C’mon, who eats macaroons because they’re heart healthy? I EAT MACAROONS BECAUSE THEY ARE TASTY!!! I’ll limit myself to two (I hide them in my closet – they’re momma’s special treat). Two moist, sweet, delicious macaroons to end the day!!! Yee ha!!!

Tomorrow is shopping day! Hurrah for fresh fruits and vegetables! And new pants! And a new swimsuit! Expect a post about my first exercise session of swimming by the end of the week! I’m excited !!! Are you excited !?!

Also, can anyone name the two pop culture quotes cited in this post?

Savories, Chocolate and Water: What More Could You Ask For?

2010-04-12T18:57:00.000-06:00

Today's food intake --

Breakfast: Several chugs of grape juice. Several chugs of goat milk. Strawberry/banana smoothie made with evaporated cane juice and goat milk.

Lunch: Bowl of lentil soup and cornbread made with the good stuff. It looks like dog droppings, but it’s rich and savory. The key to savory is to cook it with a ham bone and add mire poix (which is French hoity toity for celery, carrots and onion).

Dinner: Much, MUCH, much snitching of seasoned taco ground beef (no packets, here): seasoned with salt and pepper, cumin, chili powder, and paprika. Paprika? Yes, paprika. It gives it a mild sweetness and the fun red color. Since I was technically full of beef before I sat down to the table, I just had a small serving of rice and beans at the table.

Any old rice and beans? Oh no, not at this house. You brown the rice in a pan with a smidge of oil; it gives it nuttiness and firmness. Also, instead of using plain old water, you can use a mixture of tomato sauce and water. It adds flavor. I use these two techniques a lot. Who wants to eat boring old rice when they could have pineapple rice or Spanish rice?

As for the beans, they’re easy cheesy except no cheese. Cook them in a crockpot all day with a ham hock and two cloves of garlic. Then whip them with salt and pepper and salsa to taste. Gua-RON-teed to the best refried beans and Spanish rice you’ll ever have. They look sad, but taste yummy.

Dessert: I’m going to have a square of dark chocolate by Endangered Species. They make several varieties of chocolate that are sweetened with beet juice. My favorite is the cacao nibs. They have a little crunch to them. As a mom, I’ve often said that at the end of the day, a mom either needs a stiff drink or chocolate. I’m for chocolate.

As for fresh fruits and vegetables, I’m excited to go shopping this week. I can’t wait to buy ripe, luscious strawberries, crisp and juicy romaine lettuce, firm and plump grapes, delicate baby spinach, mushrooms, cucumbers, spinach, oranges, apples, etc. etc.

The coup de resistance (another French hoity toity-ism) is that I drank all my water today. I made the effort to get the good water, that reverse osmosis-oh-so-light-on-the-tongue good water. Drinking water today was a pleasure.

Wah-ter, sweet, refreshing water. Wah-ter, lovely, drinkable water. Wah-ter, ever-flowing water.

I’m feeling good. I’m making this goal. I’m doing it. If I can, you can too.

Tomorrow, I talk about Emergen-C. I’m all about the good stuff.

It's Swimsuit season already ?!?

2010-04-12T07:07:00.000-06:00

This morning I tried on my swim suit. Ha ha ha! Yeah, it doesn’t fit. I think I ripped it a little. Time for a new bathing suit!

There’s this one from Lane Bryant. But $120 for a suit that’s only going to fit me one season! Outrageous!

This one from Walmart is only $16. Yes, it’s ugly, but who cares because I’ll only be wearing it this year.

Next year, I could be wearing something like this. Sweet, eh?

But my ego is not deflated just because I couldn’t pull my bathing suit up over my derriere. Want to know why? Because this morning, I weighed 289.2 lbs. That’s right! I’m under 290. Woo hoo! I honestly can’t remember, but I think I MIGHT have been around 290 before I was pregnant with sidekick-6.

Sunday’s food intake --

Fasted until 8 p.m. for various and sundry reasons.

Dessert: I had another round of the strawberries, goat cheese and maple syrup with My Hero.

I’m doing this, I’m doing this, I’m doing this.

No snappy title #1

2010-04-11T09:39:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I measured myself:

2010-04-10

Breast: 47 inches

Waist: 45 inches

Hips: 56 inches

That’s a far cry of where I want to be: 36, 28, 38. But I am a strong person and I can do great things.

Saturday’s food intake (that I mostly remember)

Breakfast: Smidge of goat cheese. Weird omelet with leftover beef and sauce, 2 eggs and a large dollop of goat cheese and 2 slices of homemade bread. Several chugs of grape juice. Several chugs of water.

Lunch: A few bites of homemade bread, a chug of goat milk, a macaroon.

Dinner: Due to a particular confluence of events, I didn’t have very much food in the house. Dinner was cobbled together with what I had. Fried tofu, pineapple rice, boiled asparagus. I did have seconds on the asparagus since it was really tasty and I snitched fried tofu before it made it to the table. Notice how the asparagus is hanging over the edge. Small plate = fullness.

Dessert: My Hero and I had a home date alone in our room. Our treat was fresh strawberries dipped in soft goat cheese dipped in maple syrup (real maple syrup, mind you!). It was delicious, scrumptious, to-die-for, manna from heaven. Though prone to exaggeration, I am not exaggerating now. PLUS, I stopped myself when I was full even though there was still food on the plate !!!

This is What I Look Like at 291.8 lbs.

2010-04-10T09:15:00.000-06:00

I don't know what my highest weight was. I do recall 324, 327, and 321. But I could have been heavier than even that.

So now I'm starting this weight loss blog. I'm on day 6 of no refined white sugar and no cow milk. Tuesday this last week was the hardest day, but I compensated for changing the diet by overeating. Later on, I'm going to eliminate most animal proteins except for seafood. During muscle testing, I learned that my body doesn't like most of them.

My goal is to get to 290 which obviously I'm very close to doing. My long term goal is to wear a size 8. Right now I'm wearing a Lane Bryant size 7 pants (but I should note that they are too big on me now. They were positively tight 30 lbs. ago).

My plans for exercise include getting a YMCA gym membership. The Y is 0.7 miles away from my house. I'll use the elliptical machine and swim in their outdoor heated pool. I don't need the membership for the pool so I could start that now. I'd also like to take a ballet class, a ballroom-Latin dance class, and a yoga class. The elliptical is just until I get to my target weight. I'd like to maintain with yoga, dance and swimming.

The way I've lost the last 30+ pounds is eliminating certain types of foods (cow milk and white sugar) and eating less (sometimes fasting, sometimes 1 or 2 meals a day, sometimes just very small meals).

I can do this. I can have a smokin' hot bod.

This is what I want to look like. Only taller.